I was a Resident Advisor during my college years, and most of the students on my floor were white freshmen. One evening, a girl named Sarah came to chat, which was a common occurrence. She hailed from a small town nearby and hadn’t ventured far from home before. I often found myself giving her advice and listening to her concerns.
Then, the conversation took a turn:
Sarah: “You’re not like other Black people.”
Me: *silence, bracing myself for what’s next*
Sarah: “You speak so well. You know what we call those other Black people?”
Me: “Please don’t—”
Sarah: “Niggers.”
Me: “First of all, don’t use that word. Second, if you say that around the wrong person, you’re going to have a serious problem.”
Sarah: “But—”
Me: “Just leave my room, Sarah.”
Okay, her name wasn’t really Sarah, but it might as well have been.
This isn’t the first time I’ve encountered a conversation like this, but it was certainly one of the most blatant. I guess I fit the mold of the “comfortable” Black person for some white folks. I’m “well-spoken,” which translates to “You sound like us.” I’ve heard this throughout my life, and frankly, I’m tired of white people using it as if it’s a compliment. It’s a form of racism, and I won’t accept it. I am unapologetically Black, so don’t mistake my ability to articulate correctly as something that separates me from my identity.
When you say I’m “well-spoken,” you’re implying that I’m an exception rather than the rule. You’re reducing a rich and diverse culture to a single stereotype. Just because you’ve met one person who defies your expectations doesn’t mean you understand us. In reality, statistics show only about 25% of white individuals have friends who are people of color. So, let’s be honest: you likely don’t know us, and many of you aren’t even trying to.
If you think you have Black friends, take a moment to evaluate what that means. Do you consider a coworker you have lunch with occasionally as a friend? What about the cashier at your local grocery store? Your doctor? If those are your “friends,” then you might want to reconsider that label. True friendship involves deeper connections—like knowing each other’s families, sharing personal experiences, or being there during tough times.
This is why you might perceive my way of speaking as an anomaly; you’re not regularly around people like me. Just as some white folks believe everything they see on certain news networks, you’re basing your judgments on stereotypes perpetuated by the media. This portrayal often depicts Black individuals as lazy or criminal, which is not only untrue but harmful.
Let me clarify: my way of speaking isn’t about trying to fit in with white culture. I grew up in a household where proper communication was valued. My mother spoke just as I do, and she prepared me for the realities of interacting with a predominantly white society. But that doesn’t mean I owe you comfort or acceptance. There’s a long history of mistrust between Black communities and white individuals, and for good reason.
So, let’s be real. You’re more comfortable around other white people, which shapes your social circles. You may feel better acknowledging that, but my way of speaking does not define who I am or the entirety of Black culture. We are multidimensional. It’s time to recognize that and move forward with an open mind.
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In summary, let’s move beyond surface-level compliments and recognize the richness of Black identity. Understanding and embracing our complexities is key to genuine connections.
Keyphrase: Understanding the Implications of Being Called ‘Well-Spoken’
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