Let’s get straight to the point: my downstairs situation is a wreck. My private parts have seen better days. What used to be a well-maintained area is now more like a neglected alleyway, and I can’t help but feel like Tom Hanks and Shelley Long peering through a gaping hole in the floor of a dilapidated house in the movie Money Pit. Sure, it’s a dated reference, but you get the picture—my pelvic floor is in serious disrepair.
I had high hopes that my vagina would escape unscathed when I opted for a C-section during the birth of my daughter, thinking that avoiding the traditional route would spare me any damage. Spoiler alert: I was wrong. The aftermath of major abdominal surgery left me feeling like I’d been hit by a truck—swollen and sore all over. Once I could handle sneezing and bathroom trips without tears, I discovered the unfortunate side effect of accidental urination. Oh, the joys of motherhood!
Fast forward three years to when I attempted to deliver my son the “old-fashioned” way (yes, sarcasm intended). My vagina was put to the ultimate test, and let’s just say, it didn’t pass. After an exhausting labor that felt like I was pushing out everything but the baby, it took a lot of medical intervention to get him delivered, including a suction cup stuck to his head. Onlookers might have thought they were watching a scene from a horror movie.
The first shower post-delivery was quite the revelation. As I delicately washed my area, I noticed something unusual: a small balloon-like object trying to escape from my vagina. Naturally, I was concerned, but being off-limits for six weeks due to stitches, I just brushed it off—because, you know, that’s what you do.
Eventually, I faced the reality of my situation during an exam. With my legs spread and donning a lovely pink paper gown, my OB delivered the news: I have a prolapsed bladder. Yes, you heard that right. My bladder is quite literally falling out of my vagina.
While it sounds alarming, it’s not the end of the world. Sure, it can be uncomfortable—especially when you accidentally pinch both your vagina and bladder while trying to sit down. My kids are used to me exclaiming, “Just a second! Mommy’s about to pee her pants!” as I try to engage my pelvic muscles and make a mad dash to the bathroom. I’ve been doing countless Kegels, and while it doesn’t interfere with sex, it’s certainly an interesting situation to navigate.
Now, let me explain the upside. For anyone who has ever debated the legitimacy of leggings as pants, I’m here to tell you that they absolutely are—especially if you have a prolapsed bladder! With my insides feeling like toothpaste squeezed from the middle of the tube, wearing anything with a real waistband can lead to discomfort. So, leggings it is!
As much as I adore my kids, sometimes I just need a little personal space. Picture this: my two-year-old on my lap while my five-year-old drapes herself over my shoulders. It’s like a game of human Tetris where every movement feels like a potential disaster for my pelvic floor. On those days, I simply declare, “Mommy has a boo-boo!” and take a step back. It’s not a lie—my pelvic floor is definitely in a vulnerable state, and little jabs can lead to a potentially urgent situation.
I keep a proverbial guilt trip card tucked away in my back pocket for family photos. When the inevitable outfit drama arises, I plan to whip it out and remind them, “My bladder has not been in the right place for YEARS! I’m a grown woman who’s peed her pants in public. Now, put on that perfectly coordinated outfit and smile!” Because let’s be honest, we all have that card ready to play.
Living with a prolapsed bladder certainly keeps things interesting. I’ve become an expert at using a menstrual cup and sneaking away for discreet changes. I can’t wait for the day when a skilled surgeon can help fix my lady business, but until then, it’s all about those Kegels!
And if you’re on a journey for more information about home insemination, you can check out this insightful article on couples’ fertility journeys. For further reading about pregnancy, In Vitro Fertilization is an excellent resource available here.
Summary
Navigating life with a prolapsed bladder can be a challenge, but it also comes with its own set of humorous moments and unexpected realities. From the experience of childbirth to the necessity of leggings, this journey is all about embracing the chaos and finding ways to cope.
Keyphrase: prolapsed bladder
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