Turns out, I’m not just a stay-at-home mom—I’ve taken on the role of a personal assistant and social coordinator for my four children. And honestly? I’m ready to break free. I can’t pinpoint when I accepted this job, especially since I’m not exactly cut out for it, but here I am, juggling eight color-coded iCal calendars across five devices. It’s as if I’m trying to solve a complex puzzle!
In the photo above, I might appear deep in thought, but I’m really just crafting an online invite for my son’s birthday bash. I know I can’t be the only one who feels a bit lost in this role. Like many mothers (and fewer fathers), I find myself scheduling my kids’ social outings, organizing their lives, ensuring they have everything they need for various activities, and persistently reminding them of their commitments. It’s a cushy gig for them, but where’s my assistant?
When my kids were younger, this was manageable. But now that my eldest has crossed into double digits, I’m struggling to keep up with the demands of my “job.” Sure, I still enjoy arranging playdates for my younger two, but the older ones? That’s another story. Especially in a place like New York, where the pressure to over-schedule is palpable, it feels nearly impossible to step back.
Just the other day, I found myself texting a friend to see if her son could “come over for a playdate.” I hesitated, realizing that term sounds a bit odd for kids who are practically teenagers. Instead, I rephrased my message to ask if her son could “hang out” with mine, which felt more fitting. Unfortunately, he was busy, as is often the case nowadays.
I dream of living in a suburban paradise where I could simply open my back door and let the kids play together. My husband often reminisces about his childhood, where spontaneous bike rides and casual hangouts with neighborhood friends were the norm. He looks at our chaotic Manhattan lifestyle and wonders when our children will have the chance to just relax with their pals.
He has challenged my perspective, leading me to encourage my kids to initiate their own social interactions. Recently, I handed my son the phone numbers of several of his friends’ parents (since they don’t have phones yet). I told him to reach out and see who was available. He took on the challenge with enthusiasm, but as it turned out, everyone was busy with their own tightly packed schedules.
The reality is, it’s tough for one kid to embrace unscheduled play when their friends are all racing to and fro for sports, tutoring, and parties. Even when plans are made, the logistics can be overwhelming. For example, when a friend invited my daughter over last minute after school, I had to rearrange my entire day, which involved a flurry of texts and calls—eating up precious time I could have spent with her.
So here’s my idea. Let’s normalize kids scheduling their own playdates again. Remember the old home phones with the curly cords that used to dominate kitchens? They served a purpose! Kids had to make calls, introduce themselves, and engage in real conversations instead of just sending a quick text. Let’s aim for more carpooling opportunities so kids can chat along the way. We could also create open days for groups of friends to play together—maybe #fridayfriendday?
As parents, let’s challenge ourselves to reduce the endless texting that goes into planning simple get-togethers. I often find myself spending more time coordinating than actually enjoying the time spent together. Let’s just call each other, agree on plans, and stick to them without endless confirmations or follow-up messages.
By stepping away from the role of personal assistant, we can give our children the chance to develop important social skills like time management and organization. Plus, we might just reclaim some time for ourselves—something I certainly need. After all, I can’t imagine getting through a day without the support of my amazing friends. I want my kids to grow up cherishing those relationships, too.
And hey, if you’re interested in exploring ways to make parenting easier, check out this post about home insemination kits. It’s a great resource. You can also find valuable information on intrauterine insemination if that’s a path you’re considering.
Summary
In this article, I explore my unexpected role as a personal assistant for my kids and the challenges that come with it. I advocate for a return to more spontaneous, unstructured play among children, emphasizing the importance of social skills and reducing parental over-scheduling. By letting kids take the lead in arranging their own social activities, we can all benefit—our children will learn valuable life skills, and we can reclaim our time.
Keyphrase: quitting personal assistant role in parenting
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