Parenting
by Jessica Hart, Family Doctor
Updated: April 22, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 7, 2017
So, your daughter has started to explore herself, and it’s making you uneasy? Here’s the truth: Masturbation is a completely natural behavior, regardless of age. It simply feels good, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.
There are specific developmental stages where this behavior tends to be more noticeable. Think about the ages when children are most self-focused; namely, during preschool and early teenage years. A 3-year-old and a 13-year-old are both navigating their own existential realities, often guided by the mantra, “If it feels good, do it.”
Should you be concerned? Not at all. Should you provide some guidance? Absolutely! This kind of exploration is a private matter. It’s acceptable when she’s alone, perhaps in the bathroom or her bedroom, but it isn’t appropriate to engage in this behavior around others.
The crucial takeaway is to teach your child about privacy without instilling feelings of shame. Understanding her body, what feels pleasurable, and the purpose of different body parts is vital for developing a healthy self-image as she matures. Ultimately, you want her to grow into an adult who can assert herself and ensure that her boundaries are respected.
It’s also worth noting that masturbation doesn’t lead to being “overly sexual” later in life. In fact, studies indicate that teenagers who report comfort with self-exploration often wait longer to engage in sexual activity with partners. This could be because they have a better understanding of their own desires or are more adept at communicating their preferences. After all, sex can often be awkward and short-lived for teens. Those who can reach orgasm alone may appreciate it more when they eventually do engage with others.
Every child experiences sexual and sensual feelings. They possess an innate curiosity that drives them to explore these emotions. Would you prefer your tween or teen to navigate these feelings on their own, or risk experimenting with peers? Many kids respond to their sexual urges through exploration. Equipping them with the knowledge and skills to understand their own desires can empower them to sidestep situations they’re not ready for. Ignoring this aspect of their development can lead to risks such as STDs or unintended pregnancies.
However, it is important to remain vigilant. If you notice a sudden increase in sexual behavior at any age, it could be a sign of something more serious, like sexual abuse. This behavior often manifests in various ways, and simply masturbating alone is not usually indicative of abuse. Children in such cases may also become withdrawn or exhibit unexpected aggression, especially towards men or teenage boys. If you have any concerns, consult your child’s healthcare provider or seek professional support.
Remember: Even attentive parents can have children who experience abuse. Good parents ask questions, listen, and seek the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.