I often come across the term “special needs mom” in discussions about Down syndrome and other disabilities, especially during holiday seasons or IEP meetings. There are countless articles and memes about this archetype, but I don’t fit that mold.
You might assume I am one. After all, I’m deaf. According to the “special needs” narrative, being deaf is synonymous with having “special needs,” right? But let’s break down what my actual needs are, from my own perspective.
Here’s what I truly need:
- Opportunities: I possess potential and require the chance to grow and let that potential shine.
- A sense of contribution: I need to be engaged in meaningful work that fulfills me and positively impacts the world.
- Joy: I seek laughter and moments of happiness in my life.
- Community: I crave connection with friends, acquaintances, and those who truly care about me.
- Love: I need to give and receive love in all its forms.
- Basic needs: Food, water, air—essentials that every human requires. I also need financial resources to build a secure life.
These are not “special” needs; they are universal human needs.
While I may be deaf and live with complex PTSD, these factors make me a mom with a disability—not a “special needs mom.”
Oh, did you mean to refer to me as a “special needs mom” because my child has “special needs”?
My daughter, who has Down syndrome, is often labeled under that umbrella. But let’s examine her needs.
She needs:
- Opportunities: Just like me, she has immense potential and deserves the chance to grow.
- A sense of contribution: She should engage in activities that satisfy her and make a positive impact.
- Joy: She deserves laughter and joy in her life.
- Community: She needs the company of friends and caring individuals.
- Love: She should experience love, both given and received.
- Basic needs: Food, water, air, and financial resources for her future.
Are these needs “special”? Not at all—they’re fundamental human needs. Down syndrome simply identifies her as a child with a disability, not someone with “special needs.”
Regardless of whether it’s due to my own disabilities or my daughter’s Down syndrome, I firmly reject the label of “special needs mom.” I am a deaf mom. I am a disabled mom. I have a daughter with Down syndrome. But I am not a “special needs mom.”
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In summary, the label of “special needs mom” fails to capture the essence of my reality. I advocate for a more accurate understanding of our needs as humans.
Keyphrase: “not a special needs mom”
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