It all begins innocently enough. Picture me at a playground, trying to give my kids the freedom to explore while maintaining just the right level of watchfulness to prevent any injuries. Sure, bumps and bruises are part of childhood, but I have better things to do than spend my afternoon in Urgent Care with a child whose arm is at an odd angle—no thanks!
My main mission during these outings is to stop my kids from attempting to break bones or requiring stitches. But then it happens.
Another child, larger than my youngest, shoves her down or hits her when she tries to join in their game. A little brat calls my son a nasty name or pushes him aside. My jaw clenches, and I can feel a surge of protective rage bubbling inside me. It feels like I’m morphing into the Hulk, ready to unleash my fury on the mini tyrant who dared to bother my child. After unleashing some imaginary chaos, I’d return to my normal self, searching for my shirt that’s somehow been torn to shreds.
Okay, maybe it doesn’t go down exactly like that, but in my mind, I’m definitely sending death glares. I want that little troublemaker to know I’m watching, and I’ll make sure their caregiver is aware of my displeasure too. Usually, that’s enough to make the little punk back off, while I simmer in my thoughts of revenge until it’s time to gather my family and head home.
Logically, I understand that harboring anger towards kids isn’t beneficial. Kids are notorious for their ability to be little jerks to one another; it’s part of growing up. I can’t expect every child to be endlessly kind to my little ones. However, the moment I sense that my children are being mistreated, something primal clicks into gear.
While I would never actually go crazy on a small child, the thought can be oddly satisfying. It’s akin to slamming the door on a persistent solicitor while you’re braless, unshowered, and trying to keep your children from wreaking havoc. It’s definitely as gratifying as a well-timed expletive or telling your mother-in-law to kindly take a hike.
Ultimately, I want my kids to learn to stand up for themselves. If I believe they can handle a confrontation with someone who’s being unkind, I step back and let them navigate it, all while imagining a dramatic revenge fantasy involving their stuffed animals. I don’t want them thinking that I will swoop in to save them from every little incident, even though I could easily take on that snotty 6-year-old.
I’m also realistic enough to know my kids can be brats too. If I notice this behavior or someone brings it to my attention, I take action right away. Unlike the little bully, my kids won’t get away with pushing others around or hurling insults while I casually look at the clouds. I address it immediately.
By channeling my frustration into productive activities—like scrubbing grass stains or attending barre class—I’m teaching my kids the value of taking the high road. No need for them to know about the darker thoughts I have regarding their enemies. They’ll figure out some of these realities in therapy one day. For now, I’ll remain calm while secretly plotting the downfall of a preschooler who tripped my toddler.
In summary, while it’s natural to feel protective and even vengeful when our kids face meanness from peers, it’s important to teach them resilience and self-defense rather than swooping in at every turn. By managing our emotions and channeling them positively, we set a strong example for our children.
Keyphrase: parenting and emotional management
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