My son, Ethan, is 10 years old and possesses a sharp wit, intelligence, and a sensitive heart. He’s a wonderful child, and on most days, I strive to be a good parent. We’re your typical suburban family—middle class, white, and engaged in all the usual activities—sports, music lessons, family pets, and birthday celebrations. Life is generally smooth sailing, but a recent event forced me to confront some uncomfortable truths about my parenting.
The downfall of a public figure I admired, Alex Reed, due to allegations of sexual harassment, was a wake-up call. As I absorbed the accounts of his behavior, I felt a mix of nausea, anger, and sadness. The horrific stories surrounding figures like James Carter had already hardened my heart to the normalization of sexual harassment in our culture. But Reed’s situation struck me differently, leaving me questioning how someone seemingly so genuine and successful in a principled career could justify such actions. What could possibly make a man think it was acceptable to exploit young women in his orbit?
This contemplation led me to reflect on my role as a mother raising a young boy. I’ve come to realize that I’ve inadvertently failed not just Ethan, but myself and society as a whole. I’ve been overly lenient with him, allowing his anger and tantrums to go unchecked simply because he’s a boy. I’ve let him treat his younger sister, Lily, with less respect. In doing so, I’ve perpetuated the very attitudes I once despised as a girl myself. Like many parents before me, I’ve given him the impression that being a boy entitles him to certain privileges, which is the root of sexist behavior.
These problematic behaviors can inflict harm subtly over time, or they can result in the more overt, damaging experiences we frequently hear about in the news. As Michelle Obama aptly noted, “We love our boys, and raise our girls.” She captured an essential truth when she remarked that we nurture girls to be resilient while often worrying about protecting boys’ feelings. I find myself questioning whether I am too tough on Ethan, a concern I don’t share when it comes to Lily.
I hesitate to impose consequences on Ethan. He hasn’t quite forgiven us for the arrival of his sister, and this often manifests as unkindness toward her. When Lily beams about her accomplishments, I see him make sarcastic comments designed to undermine her joy. While I do intervene and label this behavior as bullying, I often stop there instead of escalating the discussion or enforcing consequences.
Moreover, I’ve neglected to discuss the complexities of living in a patriarchal society and the privileges that come with being a white male. I need to teach Ethan to recognize his advantages and the responsibility that accompanies that awareness. This is particularly crucial given that we live in a homogenous community where conformity often overshadows individuality. He hears phrases like “boys will be boys” and “everyone else does it, why shouldn’t I?” as justifications for bad behavior, which only reinforces harmful stereotypes.
As Ethan navigates the emotional turbulence of puberty, I often find myself searching for explanations behind his outbursts rather than addressing the behavior itself. My subconscious may even be asking the same question I pondered as a child: Why do we allow men to dominate women in our society? While I bolster Lily’s self-esteem through feminist literature and by starting a Girl Scout troop, I must recognize that Ethan also needs accountability.
We’ve incorporated therapy into our family routine, and while these discussions are beneficial, it’s clear that Ethan requires clearer consequences for his actions. Yelling is abusive, and I need to communicate that this behavior is unacceptable. I can’t help but wonder how many times individuals like James Carter and Alex Reed exhibited similar behaviors as children, with people around them turning a blind eye.
Part of growing up is learning to cope with the negative behaviors of others. We’re often taught to brush off hurtful remarks with phrases like “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” However, ignoring sexism and its manifestations, especially when we have a deeper understanding today, feels like a disservice to both Ethan and society.
I plan to take proactive steps to discuss sexism and privilege with Ethan. He will face consequences for unkindness or abusive behavior. I’m done letting things slide simply because “he’s just being a boy.”
In conclusion, this journey of self-reflection has illuminated the ways I can parent more consciously, ensuring that my son grows into a respectful and aware individual. If you’re navigating similar challenges, this article on Couples Fertility Journey may offer some insights, along with this excellent resource on Artificial Insemination as you explore your family dynamics.
Keyphrase: Raising a Son to Combat Sexism
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