Life can be tough. “Stop complaining.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” “It’s no big deal.” “Just toughen up.” “You’re okay.” “Leave me alone.” These phrases have echoed in various forms throughout my life, often from other parents, and I regret to admit that I’ve used them with my own children. When my kids cry over what seems trivial to me, my instinct is to show them just how ridiculous I think their concerns are.
Just the other day, my daughter came to me in tears after a disagreement with her friend. I brushed her off, thinking the issue was insignificant—after all, I was busy working. I dismissed her emotions as mere overreactions, failing to recognize that what felt small to me was monumental in her eyes.
Then I learned about the concept of “gaslighting,” and it struck me (with a pang of guilt) that I had been engaging in this behavior unknowingly. Unfortunately, many parents do it more often than we might realize. The term originates from a 1938 play titled Gas Light, in which a husband dims the gas lights and insists to his wife that she’s imagining things. Over time, she begins to doubt her own perceptions, leading her to question her reality. Essentially, gaslighting occurs when someone convinces another that their feelings and experiences are wrong or misguided.
Most parents, myself included, are guilty of this to some extent, yet we would never intentionally harm our children. As I reflect on my interactions, I often find myself examining moments when I may have inadvertently dismissed their feelings (trust me, I’m in the same situation). It’s not that we aim to mess up our kids; we often tell them to “suck it up” because we believe it will make them stronger. We worry that if we don’t toughen them up, they’ll struggle to navigate life’s challenges, and we fear that it may reflect poorly on us.
However, just because these phrases are common doesn’t make them right. When we dismiss our children’s emotions, we invalidate their feelings. Instead of offering empathy, we imply that their natural reactions are incorrect. Kids rely on us, their primary role models, to guide them in understanding the world. When we tell them their experiences don’t matter, we undermine their ability to trust themselves.
If we put ourselves in their shoes, we might feel the same way. What seems trivial to us—like not being able to tie shoes—can feel monumental to them. As adults, we recognize that there are far bigger problems, but children don’t have that perspective yet. They haven’t experienced the challenges that help them gauge the seriousness of a situation. Imagine if my car broke down and I had no money for repairs; I’d be upset too, and I certainly wouldn’t appreciate someone telling me to just “suck it up.”
By gaslighting our children, we inadvertently teach them that they shouldn’t express feelings of sadness or frustration. We condition them to doubt their instincts, ignore their emotions, and suppress their feelings. This can erode their self-confidence and make them less likely to seek help when they need it. If we constantly tell them they’re reacting wrongly, they might begin to view themselves as abnormal, leading to anxiety and low self-esteem—definitely not qualities that will help them thrive as adults.
We undoubtedly have good intentions; we want our children to be resilient and not overly absorbed in minor issues. Yet, when we fall into the trap of gaslighting, we must step back and reassess our parenting approach. Understanding and validating their feelings is crucial. By doing so, we model empathy and help them learn to navigate their emotions rather than bottle them up.
What Can We Do as Parents?
We can stop gaslighting by genuinely listening to our kids when they share their feelings—whether they’re sad, sick, or even full. Dismissing their emotions, even over something as seemingly trivial as food, is a form of gaslighting too. Instead, let’s build a strong foundation based on trust, where our children feel heard and validated.
For those interested in more about the journey of becoming a parent, check out this post on home insemination kits, which explores an essential aspect of parenthood. If you’re curious about the broader implications of artificial insemination, this resource could provide valuable insights. And for those looking into more specific tools, this comprehensive syringe kit is an excellent option.
In summary, it’s crucial to recognize how our words and actions can impact our children’s emotional development. By fostering an environment of empathy and understanding, we empower them to navigate their feelings and ultimately grow into confident, resilient adults.
Keyphrase: gaslighting children
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]