I’ve been nursing for over seven years now, which includes breastfeeding each of my kids for upwards of three years, sometimes even four. I’m not sharing this to earn any accolades or to flaunt my parenting choices. I don’t need a trophy, a parade, or a “Look at Me, I’m a Super Mom” badge. What I do want is for everyone to just relax about extended nursing, especially when it comes to breastfeeding beyond the age of one.
Honestly, I’m over the strange looks I get for doing something that’s completely natural. My body and my choices should be my own business, not yours, thank you very much. Nursing my son, who is now 3 years and 9 months, is a different experience than nursing a baby or even a younger toddler. It typically happens just once a day and goes a little something like this: Sunny gets tired, we do the usual bedtime routine of pajamas, teeth brushing, bathroom breaks, and finding his favorite stuffed animal, Spotty. Then we snuggle up, and I pull out my boob from my comfy nursing bra. Sunny latches on happily, occasionally trying to grab at my boob, which leads to a playful back-and-forth as I read a story. Before long, he’s fast asleep.
Clearly, this must be some kind of abuse, right? Just kidding. Come on, people. Why does it matter if my child wants to nurse beyond the age of one—a milestone that only about 34.9% of American babies reach? Research shows that the average weaning age among American women who practice extended breastfeeding is around 2.5 years, with some going as far as seven years and four months. Youngest children typically wean around three years old. This is consistent with breastfeeding practices in many traditional cultures, meaning that extended nursing is actually quite normal.
I’ve come across some baffling arguments against extended nursing, as if you can truly be “against” a parenting choice simply because it doesn’t align with your views. The most outrageous argument? That it’s somehow abusive—sexually abusive, no less. This idea makes my skin crawl. If nursing a newborn isn’t abusive, what changes once the child is three, four, or even five years old? A friend from a different country recalls nursing until she was five and cherishes those memories; she never felt odd about it, nor did her mother.
Now, if you’re engaging in inappropriate behaviors while nursing, or if you’re coaxing an older child to nurse when there’s no milk, that’s a different story altogether. In such cases, it’s time to find a new way to provide comfort. But aside from those scenarios, can we please save the “abuse” comments?
Then there’s the question of “how old is too old?” as if it’s anyone else’s business. People often say, “Well, if they can ask for it,” which, as some experts point out, is merely a way to express discomfort with toddler nursing. And let’s not forget the so-called experts who claim that extended breastfeeding could hinder a child’s ability to self-soothe. Well, thanks for that insight, Mr. Anonymous Expert, but my older sons still cuddle with my husband to fall asleep—does that indicate they can’t self-soothe? Absolutely not.
Extended nursing works perfectly for my family, and what we do at home, as long as it’s consensual and not harming anyone, is none of your business. Plus, experts like Dr. Brian P. Kurtz from the University of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital state that fears about extended breastfeeding making children clingy are unfounded.
Some men argue that extended breastfeeding complicates their relationships with their partners. One man even told a journalist that there are “things men can’t share with first-graders,” referring to breasts. But really, this is an issue for co-parents to work out, and complaints from dads about their partners’ extended nursing practices don’t hold much weight in the broader conversation.
I asked my older sons, ages 7 and 5, if they remember nursing. They looked at me as if I had two heads and both said no! This is despite the fact that my 5-year-old was quite attached to nursing in public at age three.
For anyone still unconvinced about the normalcy of extended nursing, let’s turn to the American Academy of Pediatrics, which recommends breastfeeding for at least one year or longer, as long as it is mutually desired by mother and child. I want to continue nursing my 3-year-old, and he wants to nurse as well. So, why does it matter to anyone else what we do at bedtime? Let’s all just chill and find something more productive to discuss.
For further insights on at-home insemination, check out our guide on the artificial insemination kit and the Cryobaby home intracervical insemination syringe kit—both excellent resources. For more information on pregnancy and related topics, the Mayo Clinic is a fantastic place to explore.
In summary, extended nursing is a personal choice that works for many families and should not be a source of shame or scrutiny. Everyone deserves to feel confident in their parenting decisions without outside judgment.
Keyphrase: extended nursing
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