When confronted with an unexpected pregnancy, it can be comforting to read about someone else’s experience. We hope Ella’s story helps you navigate your own decisions. If you need someone to talk to, we’re here for you.
Ella’s Adoption Journal
Ella never anticipated becoming pregnant. Like many women facing unplanned pregnancies, she had to explore all her options. Throughout this emotional journey, she documented her thoughts in a journal addressed to her unborn child.
March
Today marks a moment I never envisioned. Not like this, and certainly not now. As I gaze at the pregnancy test—one I took three times last week—today, the doctor confirmed your existence. He says you are healthy. How can he know? You’ve only been here for a month, but I feel you’re destined for something significant. I’ve contemplated ending this, doubting my ability to parent. I’m uncertain about what comes next, but a part of me finds solace in your presence.
April
I spoke with your father today. He doesn’t want you. I believe he could love you; how could anyone not? Yet, he refuses to communicate and suggests I have an abortion. My family remains unaware of you; I’m waiting for the right moment to tell them. You have two brothers and a sister who don’t know either. I’ve tried thinking of names, but I hesitate, fearing I won’t be the parent you deserve.
May
I love you more each day. You’re growing, and so am I; I’ve noticed the changes in my body. This month, I struggle to pay rent, and I’m unsure how I will care for you. My friends have offered to keep you, which is comforting, but I wish your father were present to share this burden. I find myself crying more often, and my family is starting to worry. I haven’t shared much about you, and my confidence wavers. I want the best for you.
June
Today, I contacted an adoption agency. After a long conversation, they’re sending me information about waiting families. I’m filled with confusion and sadness, yet I sense a purpose in this path. You’ve begun to move around, a sign of life that brings me joy. I finally shared the news with my family; they seem supportive of the adoption idea. I still wish there were a way for us to make it work. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket.
July
I felt anxious meeting the adoptive family today. I want them to love you as much as I do. They seem kind, and their photos are heartwarming. They live in a spacious home in the countryside and have a daughter who would be your sister. I’ve started writing you a letter to express my feelings. It will be hard to say goodbye.
August
I met a woman today who placed her baby for adoption four years ago. She shared that the first year is the hardest but reassured me that she receives updates and pictures, knowing her child is happy and healthy. She advised me to continue loving you, even through the pain. I appreciate her words; healing takes time, and you will have a beautiful life.
September
I spoke with your father again. He’s aware of the adoption plan but prefers not to know about the family. He has agreed to sign the necessary papers. I wish you could have known him, but I hope you grow up differently. The adoptive family reached out once more, sending a baby blanket for when I give birth. I often find myself conflicted, imagining the life I could provide for you and contemplating whether I can truly give you what you need.
October
Today was uplifting. You kicked a lot, reminding me of your presence. I met the adoptive family at the park, which was lovely. We discussed your name, and I think you will be happy with them. They brought pictures of their pets and introduced me to your five-year-old sister, who pressed her tiny hand on my stomach and declared her love for you. I hope you heard her. They’ll be at the hospital when you arrive, and I feel a mix of nervousness and excitement.
November
I’m ready for this to be over. The emotional turmoil is overwhelming, especially with my family believing I don’t love you. That couldn’t be further from the truth! My love for you is immense, and I want you to have everything I cannot provide. I wish you could understand that this is the hardest decision I’ve ever made.
December
Today, I gave birth to you. You are beautiful. I thought having the adoptive family present would change things, but they already love you. I love you still. Watching you smile made me wonder what you’ll be like in ten years. I held you close, whispered my goodbyes, and stayed awake to watch you sleep. There is so much I wish I could share with you.
If you’re exploring your options in a similar situation, consider resources like Nesting Instinct: What It Is and When It Begins for insights on pregnancy. You might also want to look into at-home insemination options or discover a free sperm donor matching service in Las Vegas through Vegas Pregnancy. For an informative overview, check out WHO’s resources on pregnancy. Additionally, for a deeper dive into adoption, Modern Family Blog has valuable insights.
In summary, Ella’s journey through her unexpected pregnancy and decision to pursue adoption is a heartfelt account that highlights the emotional complexities many women face. By documenting her feelings and experiences, she not only finds clarity but also provides a relatable narrative for others in similar situations.