As autumn approaches, my three little ones will all be off to school, leaving me with a full day of unbroken time. Friends often ask, “What will you do with all that free time?” I could rattle off an extensive to-do list: laundry, grocery shopping, yoga, walking the dog, catching up on emails, or simply enjoying a moment of peace in the bathroom—anything without interruptions.
But deep down, I know that might not be enough. There’s a part of me, the person I was before I became a mother, that longs to step back into the workforce. I yearn to contribute to society in ways that extend beyond raising children. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a stay-at-home parent—I’ve embraced that role for eight years and I get it!)
In my previous life, I was a community organizer, advocating for the rights of those in need, ensuring they had access to healthcare and housing. Even though I’ve stepped away from that role, the social issues that plague our world persist. Underneath my nurturing exterior lies a desire to make a difference. As my kids spend more time with teachers than with me, my longing to engage in meaningful work intensifies. I want to help create a better world—one that often feels beyond repair.
I can’t help but think about my future self. When my children graduate and the “empty nest” phase begins, will I have lost sight of who I was before they entered my life? If I don’t start reclaiming my identity soon, I fear I might drift into obscurity.
I’ve been chatting with some of my closest friends who managed to balance work and motherhood seamlessly. They seem to have a clear understanding of their desires and needs, confidently juggling their professional and maternal roles. In contrast, I took a leap off the career cliff and landed right into the whirlwind of parenting.
When I observe these working moms, they exude a sense of purpose and poise that I currently lack. Instead, I see a weary, frazzled version of myself in the mirror. Where did my passion go?
It’s often uncomfortable to voice regrets, but I can’t shake the feeling that I wish I had remained partially connected to the working world. If I had, perhaps I wouldn’t be so intimidated at the thought of re-entering it.
As author Jordan Blake wisely said, “Everything you desire lies just beyond your fears.” Before becoming a mother, I experienced fear and uncertainty about the changes that awaited me, yet I embraced motherhood wholeheartedly. I’ve been raising my kids every day with love and dedication.
Confronting my fears led me into motherhood, and today, facing those same fears will guide me back to my professional aspirations. This doesn’t mean I will stop being a mom. I’ll navigate this new chapter with the same messy determination and love I’ve always had for my family.
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In summary, as I reflect on my motherhood journey, I recognize a desire to regain my professional self while continuing to nurture my family. This balancing act of identities is daunting but essential for my growth.
Keyphrase: Regrets of Motherhood
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