In his book The Constant Gardener, author John le Carré honored Yvette Pierpaoli, a humanitarian who dedicated her life to aiding refugees, with a heartfelt dedication: “To Yvette Pierpaoli, who lived and died giving a damn.” Yvette, who was the mother-in-law of my friend and collaborator, Mark, inspired us to dedicate our latest project, a picture book titled Join Me, in her memory. Yvette once remarked, “Though individually our actions may seem as light as a feather, together they can transform the entire sky.”
Mark shared that Yvette’s greatest desire was to truly experience life, fueled by her unwavering passion. Her compassion for others stemmed from her own childhood hardships, where she faced rejection from her family. She understood the sting of humiliation and made it her mission to live for others. The world was indeed fortunate to have known her.
As a parent, I often find myself hoping that my children can embrace Yvette’s legacy of passion and compassion, utilizing their own unique talents. With Thanksgiving approaching, I reflect on a recent Halloween experience that highlighted how children learn empathy.
My youngest, Alex, is 12 and plays the viola in a demanding youth orchestra. On Halloween night, he had practice until 7:30 PM. A friend had planned to wait for him to go trick-or-treating, but by the time Alex arrived home, his friend had already gone out with other kids and was too tired to join him again. Alex was understandably heartbroken, and I exchanged concerned glances with my partner as we listened to our son’s muffled sadness.
It was late on a school night, and options were limited. Then, the doorbell rang—a late trick-or-treater from down the street. Not a close friend, but I thought perhaps Alex could join him for a quick outing. However, the dad informed us they were heading home right after our house.
That’s when I spotted my 15-year-old daughter, Kate, at the kitchen table. “Hey, do you think you could take your brother trick-or-treating?” I asked her gently.
“I’m busy with homework,” she replied.
“There’s a costume in the basement,” I suggested, softening my tone. “The one I wore last year. You can see out, but others won’t recognize you. It’ll fit right over your clothes.”
Curious, she agreed to check it out. After rummaging through the basement, I found the costume, and she donned it. “Do you want to come with me?” she asked Alex.
He hesitated, thinking she was only offering out of pity. I reminded him that sometimes it’s okay to accept kindness from others.
“Come on,” Kate encouraged.
After a moment, he relented.
When they returned an hour later, Kate high-fived me, and Alex was all smiles. They had even come up with a fun skit to perform as they trick-or-treated, pretending to be identical twins who finished each other’s sentences.
While our story had a happy conclusion, not all situations turn out this way. Watching our children face disappointment can be tougher than dealing with our own heartaches. However, it’s crucial to allow them to experience these feelings, knowing that we’re helping to cultivate compassionate individuals who care deeply about others.
Experiencing challenges fosters empathy, and I believe Alex will approach the next person he meets—someone who has felt let down or isolated—with kindness. Empathy is the ability to connect with and understand another’s feelings, and it begins at home, on the smallest of stages. By allowing our children to navigate their emotions with our support, we teach them invaluable lessons about connection.
This theme resonates in the picture book I co-created with Mark, where a young girl’s parents provide a safe space for her to express her fears about the world. Rather than dismissing her worries, they guide her to understand that she can make a difference by connecting with others, just as Kate did for Alex—just like Yvette did for so many.
As we prepare for Thanksgiving, let’s remember our own capacity to give a damn.
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In summary, nurturing empathetic children begins at home, where we help them navigate their emotions and learn to connect with others, just as the inspiring Yvette Pierpaoli did.
Keyphrase: Raising Empathetic Children
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