As the holiday season approaches, the age-old question of whether to compel children to “give Aunt Mildred a hug or kiss” arises once again. Nowadays, many parents lean towards the idea that it’s not appropriate to force a child to display physical affection if they are uncomfortable, rather than insisting they show affection for the sake of politeness.
Recently, the Girl Scouts contributed to this conversation by publishing an article titled, “Reminder: Your Daughter Doesn’t Owe Anyone A Hug. Not Even At The Holidays.” The organization has been making impressive strides in promoting female empowerment and advocating for personal boundaries, and we’re here for it. Their advocacy against the notion that girls owe physical affection is particularly commendable.
In their article, the Girl Scouts address parents directly, stating that telling a child she owes someone a hug—because they haven’t seen that person in a while or because that person gave her a gift—can create a mindset in which she feels obligated to provide physical affection in future situations. This can lead to potentially dangerous scenarios later in life, where she may feel pressured to reciprocate affection to someone who has treated her kindly, but with whom she is not comfortable.
This may sound extreme, but consider this: if you grow up believing you owe certain people hugs and kisses simply because they are family or have done something nice for you, the pressure can easily extend to romantic situations as well. Physical affection should never be viewed as a debt to another person.
Some may dismiss this perspective. For instance, in a recent article in the Daily News, Sam Thompson criticized this viewpoint, arguing that encouraging children to hug relatives is harmless and comparable to instructing them to use the restroom before leaving the house. “Hugging family teaches them the difference between good and bad touch,” he states.
However, compelling a child to hug or kiss someone differs vastly from insisting they go to the bathroom or buckle into a car seat, both of which are necessary for their health and safety. On the other hand, pressuring a child into unwanted physical closeness does not promote their well-being. Treating physical affection like a necessity overlooks the real dangers of unwanted touch.
The argument that allowing children to decline hugs from family members may “sexualize innocent interactions” disregards the harsh realities of child sexual abuse, which is often perpetrated by someone the child knows—34% of the time, a family member. The Girl Scouts’ involvement in this issue is significant, considering that 82% of child sexual abuse victims are girls. One in nine girls will face sexual abuse at the hands of an adult. Teaching our daughters that they don’t owe a hug to Uncle Charlie simply because he’s family helps empower them and reduces the control that potential abusers might have over them later.
No one is advocating for a two-year-old to be fully educated on the grim realities of sexual abuse. Instead, the message is simple: hugging and kissing should be acts of genuine desire, not obligations. When parents force children to show affection to appease an adult’s feelings, they inadvertently teach them that their comfort and boundaries can be disregarded.
So, sorry Grandma and Grandpa, but the Girl Scouts have it right. Children should know they are in control of their own physical affection.
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In summary, the Girl Scouts emphasize the importance of teaching children that they have the autonomy to decide who they feel comfortable hugging or kissing. This understanding not only promotes healthy boundaries but can also play a crucial role in their safety.
Keyphrase: “Girl Scouts hug guidelines”
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