After sharing my experience about the alarming ease of purchasing a firearm compared to obtaining a restraining order, I braced myself for some criticism—particularly from those who don’t believe women should voice their opinions. What I didn’t anticipate was the barrage of comments insisting, “A restraining order is just a piece of paper.”
This victim-blaming narrative permeates society, much like the myth that Napoleon was short or that touching a baby bird leads to its mother rejecting it. My article highlighted that while past domestic violence convictions can indicate a higher risk of severe violence (like mass shootings), the actual number of abusers far exceeds those convicted. This reality underscores the necessity of stricter gun control measures, as merely screening for prior offenses is insufficient to identify potential threats.
Some folks, however, seem to think the best response is to arm themselves, dismissing the protective power of legal documents. Let’s be clear: the United States isn’t an isolated entity. Numerous developed countries exist, allowing for meaningful comparisons of statistics. Numbers don’t lie; they help us understand and navigate complex issues, like safety.
While I could go on about the repetitive arguments, it’s evident that some refuse to accept the validity of restraining orders. So let me clarify why they are more than just bureaucratic paperwork:
- He Left Me Alone: After one violation, where he called me, I reported it, which led to police pressing charges. This is precisely what restraining orders are designed for; repeat violations can escalate to felonies.
- No More Working Together: After I secured the restraining order, my employer had to fire him. They needed that legal backing to act decisively.
- Claiming My Right to Safety: When my ex sued me for wrongful termination, my restraining order allowed me to have him removed from the courtroom. I didn’t want to face him, and I didn’t have to, thanks to this legal protection.
- Facing Victim-Blaming Head-On: No longer did I have to endure the damaging question, “Why didn’t you report it sooner?” I meticulously documented everything, transforming “my word against his” into a well-organized, evidence-based case.
- A Warning to Others: His next girlfriend found my restraining order online, reached out to me, and I was able to warn her about his behavior. This could have saved her and her children from potential harm.
- Validation: Standing in court and sharing my truth, which I had once felt ashamed of, only to be validated by the judge, was incredibly empowering. It’s hard to manipulate someone who recognizes their own worth and safety.
- Moving Forward: Obtaining a restraining order can also allow you to keep your address private, aiding in your journey to a safer life.
FAQs Regarding Guns and Domestic Violence
“But if a man can’t get a gun, won’t he just use his hands?” It’s concerning that instead of finding solutions to prevent violence against women, some feel the need to justify such behavior as unavoidable.
“I’d just take matters into my own hands!” Living in a world where women must kill to protect themselves is a dire situation. Shouldn’t we be working towards preventing violence instead?
“What if the person I want a restraining order against is someone popular?” The law should protect everyone equally, regardless of their status.
“But won’t criminals just buy guns illegally?” We’re discussing the immediate risk of domestic violence, not hypothetical scenarios.
“Why do you hate America?” Actually, I feel safer abroad, where gun violence rates are considerably lower. In the U.S., the statistics around domestic violence and firearms are alarming; women are five times more likely to be killed if a gun is present in the household.
In summary, advising someone against seeking a restraining order because of potential danger is akin to telling someone not to wear a seatbelt for fear of drowning in a car accident. It’s a form of victim-blaming that prioritizes the rights of abusers over the safety of victims. We need to do better.
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