When my daughter enrolled in preschool, I was taken aback by a unique sharing policy they had in place. The educators informed me that if a child was engaged with a toy, they didn’t have to pass it along just because another child asked for it. They were free to choose whether to share or to hold onto it if they were enjoying it.
Honestly, this concept blew my mind. Having grown up in the ’80s and ’90s, I was raised with the constant reminder that “sharing is caring.” I might have audibly gasped when I first heard it. However, the preschool went on to explain that implementing this policy had significantly reduced conflicts, tattling, and general chaos among the kids.
Think about it: Imagine sitting in your favorite coffee shop with a steaming cup and your laptop open. A stranger approaches and says, “Hey, let me use that.” You’d likely respond, “Um, no. This is mine.” The stranger might insist, “That’s not fair! It’s my turn!” and then go to the barista to complain. The barista intervenes, takes your laptop, and hands it to the stranger. Sounds absurd, right? So why do we pressure our kids to share their things constantly?
Let’s be clear: I’m not talking about public items—of course, playground equipment needs to be shared to avoid chaos. If my child is hogging the swing when there’s a line, I’ll step in and make sure others get a turn. But if it’s something personal or an activity they’re engrossed in, they should have the right to say no. It’s about establishing boundaries, a skill we could all use more of today.
While sharing is undoubtedly a valuable lesson for our kids, it shouldn’t come at the expense of their autonomy. I want to raise children who can assess situations and understand that saying “no” is perfectly acceptable. As adults, it’s okay to tell someone, “I’m busy right now; let’s connect another time.” I often reflect whether my tendency to be a people-pleaser stems from that relentless focus on sharing in my upbringing.
Furthermore, I would feel utterly overwhelmed if I knew I couldn’t immerse myself in a task without interruptions or the fear of someone commandeering my belongings. Oh, wait! I’m a mom—this happens all the time, and it explains a lot.
I don’t want to raise a child who thinks they never have to share. That’s not the goal. Yes, relationships matter more than material possessions. We contribute to charities and lend our cars to friends when needed. We teach our kids the importance of caring for others.
However, I’m not particularly concerned with fairness. It doesn’t bother me if my kids don’t get everything they desire at that moment. Contrary to what kids might believe, life is inherently unfair, and it always will be. If I teach them this lesson now, they’ll be better prepared for the real world—whether that’s in college, at work, or in their personal relationships.
What if we all adopted the preschool’s philosophy and established a boundary around sharing? Perhaps if children learned they can’t always have what they want immediately, we would cultivate a generation of kinder individuals. You know, people who don’t throw tantrums at every little inconvenience (feel free to fill in the blank here).
Ultimately, the objective is to nurture empathy in our children, rather than just forcing compliance, which could lead to them becoming doormats. If they possess an abundance of something, they should share it—not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because it genuinely feels good to bring happiness to others. Kids have that innate understanding; we just need to foster it, not impose it.
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In summary, while teaching our kids to share is important, it’s equally crucial to instill in them the ability to set boundaries and understand that not everything is fair. Empathy over obligation leads to more well-rounded individuals.
Keyphrase: Why I Won’t Insist My Kids Share Their Belongings
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