November is designated as National Adoption Month, a time to acknowledge and celebrate the profound impact of adoption. It’s a month that coincides with gratitude and reflection, which makes it all the more special. I appreciate that this celebration is officially recognized through a presidential proclamation; it adds a touch of significance, wouldn’t you agree?
In my family, adoption is part of our story, but we prefer to think of ourselves simply as a family rather than an “adoptive family.” Our last adoption was finalized over four years ago. While there are still moments that remind us of our journey—like discussions around our breakfast table featuring terms such as “birth mother” and “adoption day”—our lives are much like anyone else’s, filled with the ordinary.
Sometimes, our outings lead to unexpected questions from the kids, such as “Did my birth mom have brown eyes?” or “Why was I adopted?” It can be tough navigating these conversations, especially in public spaces where you might not be prepared for a heartfelt discussion about adoption.
Regarding the presidential proclamation, I’ve always felt a sense of pride in this acknowledgment, regardless of my political beliefs. I appreciate seeing adoption gain visibility, which may inspire families to consider this beautiful and complex journey.
However, I take issue with a specific phrase in this year’s proclamation: “Adoptive parents are a selfless and loving part of God’s plan for their future children.” My immediate reaction? A resounding “No, thank you.”
The truth is, I am not selfless. My husband and I chose to adopt because we longed for children. It was a decision rooted in our desire to be parents. In fact, I had to persuade my husband that adoption was the way forward for us—certainly not a selfless act!
To be candid, our choice to adopt was somewhat selfish. Our daughter had recently left for college, and the empty nest was a tough adjustment for me. I missed the daily joys of parenting, from tackling closet monster fears to cutting up food for little ones.
Furthermore, I don’t believe that adoption was part of “God’s plan.” As a Christian, my faith has guided me through the ups and downs of adoption, but I can’t reconcile the idea that my children’s painful beginnings were part of any divine blueprint. The reality is, our boys were abandoned, and they were born into circumstances that made adoption a necessity rather than a choice.
I’ve had to have heartbreaking conversations with my children about why their biological parents couldn’t keep them, and no part of me can accept that this suffering was part of a grand plan. Adoption was our decision, albeit one that was influenced by faith and community support—along with lots of coffee and the occasional glass of wine.
Mr. President, I am not part of some divine design for my children. I’m a plan B, and that’s perfectly fine with me. I believe you’ve got this aspect wrong. While I genuinely appreciate this administration’s recognition of National Adoption Month, I encourage you to reflect on the language used and perhaps learn more about what adoption truly entails.
In November, I’m thankful for many things, but let’s clear the air: I’m not selfless, and my children’s presence in my life isn’t a result of divine intervention. I’m a dedicated, loving mom, and that’s what matters.
Parenting is one of the most important roles many of us will ever have. During National Adoption Month, we honor all who have welcomed a child in need into their homes. We also express gratitude to those who facilitate the adoption process, ensuring that children can thrive within permanent, loving families.
Adoption is multifaceted—beautiful, complicated, and often challenging. To label it as “God’s plan” doesn’t capture its true essence. Similarly, describing all adoptive parents as “selfless” misses the mark.
I wholeheartedly support the awareness of adoption, and I hope your proclamation leads families considering the path of adoption to take action. However, I also hope it doesn’t create an unrealistic perception of what adoption involves.
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In summary, while National Adoption Month is a time for reflection and appreciation, it’s crucial to approach discussions around adoption with honesty and depth. Adoption is not merely a plan; it’s a choice, and it’s essential to recognize the emotional complexities behind it.
Keyphrase: Adoption Awareness
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