My Toddler Isn’t Walking Yet, and It’s Weighing Heavily on Me

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As I grasped her delicate fingers, little Mia cautiously wobbled across the playground, exuding a newfound confidence that was truly heartwarming. Yet, despite her brave efforts, her struggle with balance, strength, and coordination means that independent walking remains just out of reach. Every day, this challenge looms over my partner and me like a dark cloud. Approaching 2 ½ years, she deserves the freedom to stroll to her toys, dash alongside her peers to the swings, and scale the rock wall without needing a parent’s push or pull.

Navigating through the playground’s low-hanging bars and tight corners, my partner and I contort our bodies to ensure Mia can explore her favorite spots. I often find myself envying those parents who relax on the sidelines, their children playing freely while they scroll their phones. The allure of having a fully mobile child is tantalizing, always seeming just beyond our reach.

For us, the weight of this situation is immense. But for Mia, every moment is filled with joy and playfulness. She doesn’t yet grasp her delays, and the radiant smile on her face reminds us not to fret too much. Born prematurely, she initially had low muscle tone, her body not quite ready for the world. But she fought hard, learning to feed from a bottle and breathe independently, gradually building her strength.

Mia also faces other physical challenges that threaten her independence. Like a heavy blanket, joint contractures weigh her down daily. Diagnosed with arthrogryposis multiplex congenita, many of her joints were stiff and rigid at birth. To help her, we’ve focused on extensive manipulation, therapy, and exercise.

From day one in the NICU, we were assured she would be okay. We were told her limbs would unfold, her stiff knees and locked hips would regain movement. Even with her feet awkwardly positioned by her head and one arm refusing to budge, we committed ourselves to making this prognosis a reality. Guided by physical therapists, we stretched her tiny hands in every direction possible to ease her stubborn wrists. While well-meaning nurses were often too busy to help, my partner and I made it a priority during diaper changes. Every night, despite our exhaustion, we worried that her muscles would stiffen up again.

As time passed and she showed improvement, her therapy adjusted accordingly. While her legs were in full-leg casts to correct her clubfoot, we turned our focus to her arms. Unable to bounce her on her feet or use a jumper, we grew concerned about her leg development. With eight weeks of casting and 23-hour braces, we made it a daily ritual to work with her every morning, every evening, and right before bedtime.

Finally, when her legs were brace-free during the day, we eagerly helped her stand. It was heartbreaking to see how weak her legs had become; she hadn’t had the chance to strengthen her muscles. We had to teach her that her legs could support her, something most babies learn instinctively.

Now, as we work with her nightly, our backs often ache from bending down beside her. Progress feels imperceptible, hidden behind the hard work and physical strain. As she approaches 25 pounds, we know we need to maintain our own health to keep up with her therapy routines and the various physical therapy tools that fill our living room.

Others who witness her progress often shower us with compliments. They marvel at her ability to take more steps, bear weight, and cruise along furniture like an energetic puppy. But for us, the exhaustive therapy sessions and endless appointments can be overwhelming. We suppress our fears about her ability to keep pace with her friends, putting on bright smiles to keep her spirits high. We strive to create a joyful world for Mia, even when we feel drained and anxious.

Though it can be challenging to keep our worries hidden, we refuse to let her feel the weight of our concerns. We are dedicated to nurturing her happiness, ensuring she enjoys a childhood filled with laughter and love.

When progress seems to crawl along like ketchup stuck in a bottle, we occasionally step back to appreciate her achievements. Just like the ketchup, with enough patience, the breakthroughs will eventually come.

On that playground, she relinquished her usual grip on our hands, teetering left and right but often regaining her balance. She surprised us by asking to be set down when we tried to hold her. Watching her observe the other kids running freely, she decided she could join them, just in her unique way. Her determination was inspiring, and she did it all with a radiant smile.

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In summary, while the journey of parenting a child with physical challenges is fraught with difficulties, it is also filled with moments of joy and triumph. Every small step forward is a victory, and we remain committed to nurturing Mia’s growth and happiness.

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