When it comes to grandparenting styles, my partner Anna and I have witnessed a striking contrast with our three kids. After over a decade together, it’s clear that our parents approach grandparenting in very different ways.
Anna’s parents lean towards the classic, “Why don’t you just drop the kids off at our place? We miss them!” Their house quickly turns into a candy and fast-food haven, where rules seem to vanish. While they do spoil our children a bit, I understand that they live in Idaho, while we’re in Oregon, and their visits are infrequent. So, we allow it.
During their week-long stays, we benefit from extra hands around the house—help with cleaning and a few opportunities for date nights. My father-in-law even tackles some home repairs, which is a blessing since I’m not exactly handy. However, bedtime routines tend to fly out the window, and hosting family for an extended period can feel a bit overwhelming.
On the other hand, my mother presents a different grandparenting style. After my father passed away when I was 19, it’s just been her, now happily remarried but still maintaining her own unique way of doing things. She lives in Utah and is more of a “Your hour is up” type of grandmother. While she remembers every birthday and holiday, sending gifts and treats, she also respects our boundaries. When the kids are at her place, she checks in about our rules before making any decisions, which I truly appreciate.
If I were to compare my mother and Anna’s parents on a spectrum, they’d be at opposite ends. They don’t have any major conflicts, but they certainly have contrasting views on family life. This diversity among grandparents is a common experience. Some are detached, some are overly involved, and others might even offer unsolicited advice on parenting choices or question aspects of your life—like why a mother would go back to work if she didn’t have to.
We all know someone with grandparents that fit these descriptions, and I suspect that the ideal grandparent—who balances support and respect for boundaries—exists only in fiction. In reality, most parents have a few grievances about their own parents’ involvement in their children’s lives. Anna and I share our own frustrations, and I’m sure our parents have opinions on our parenting methods as well.
As parents, we often feel like we’re fumbling through this journey, learning as we go. Our kids face challenges and expectations that are vastly different from what we grew up with. We all want a bit of grace from those around us, including the grandparents. Yet, we sometimes struggle to extend the same understanding in return.
Just as we navigate the complexities of parenthood, grandparents are also figuring out their roles in this new chapter of life. They genuinely care for us and love our children, and we should recognize their efforts, even if they don’t match our own ideals perfectly.
Of course, there are also grandparents with serious issues, such as substance abuse, and in those cases, it’s crucial to prioritize your children’s safety. But if your parents are trying their best, it might be time to focus more on their successes than their shortcomings. A simple call or message to express appreciation could go a long way.
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Summary:
Grandparents come in all forms, each with their own unique styles and approaches to grandparenting. While some may be overly involved or distant, it’s essential to recognize the love and care they bring, even if their methods diverge from our own parenting philosophies. By appreciating their efforts, we can foster a more harmonious family dynamic.
Keyphrase: grandparents parenting styles
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