The other day, I embarked on a quest to find my beloved Equal sweetener packets for my coffee. I hit not one, not two, but three different stores, only to find bare shelves and empty stockrooms. Talk about a disaster! (Believe me, I asked the employees.) This can only mean one thing: the end of the world as we know it is upon us.
In desperation, I ordered two giant boxes from Amazon—thank goodness for that two-day Prime shipping! I couldn’t resist sharing my panic on Facebook. Heads up, everyone, we’re in trouble: there’s no Equal sweetener in my life, and how do we move forward from this catastrophe?!
It didn’t take long for my well-intentioned friends to chime in with their advice on healthier alternatives to my “toxic” sweetener. “JUST USE REAL SUGAR!” they shouted, listing off every type imaginable: raw, cane, coconut—you name it. Who knew there were so many variations? Sure, I understand the allure of the natural stuff, but with the sheer volume of coffee I consume (around 10 cups daily, no joke), I’d have to clock some serious time at the gym to offset all that sugar. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Besides, the USDA dietary guidelines recommend only 10 teaspoons of sugar each day, which wouldn’t even cover my morning coffee habit. Meanwhile, the amount of Equal deemed safe? A whopping seventy-five packets! That’s right—75! So take that, sugar critics.
Then came the warnings about artificial sweeteners being harmful. My response? FAKE NEWS. Those poorly conducted animal studies and dubious PR campaigns linking artificial sweeteners to cancer have been debunked by experts.
Even if they were harmful, I’m willing to take that risk. Life without my coffee and my two packets of Equal isn’t a life I want to lead.
Here’s the thing: I’ve tried other sweeteners. Sweet’N Low? Tastes rancid and makes my tongue tingle (and not in a fun way). Agave nectar? Too complicated. Stevia? Tastes like something unappetizing. A friend with a medical condition swears by Splenda, but honestly, just pass me those blue packets of Equal, and we can avoid any drama.
Beloved friends, you’re going to have to wrest those sweeteners from my tight grip. I have no intention of giving them up. I’m 40 years old and unapologetically set in my ways.
Let me break it down: there’s a lot of negativity in the world, and fake sugar brings me a bit of happiness—specifically, Equal sweetener. You can keep those dreadful pink packets. Coffee fuels my day, and without a hint of sweetness, it’s just bitter sludge. So please, let me savor my sweetener without judgment.
After some lively debates online, it’s clear everyone has their favorite sweetener and thinks theirs is superior. Who knew? So, let’s agree to disagree. You can pour your bitter Sweet’N Low into your brew, while I’ll stick with my joyful blue packets of Equal.
And if you want to debate fake creamers? Well, that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
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Summary
In a world filled with sugar alternatives, one writer stands firm in her love for Equal sweetener, humorously defending her choice against the unsolicited advice of friends. Despite the controversies surrounding artificial sweeteners, she believes that the joy they bring to her daily coffee is worth the risk.
Keyphrase: artificial sweeteners
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