Thursday mornings tend to be the most challenging for my marriage. If we ever reach the point of separation, when asked what the issue was, the answer would likely be “Thursday mornings.” I’d love to point fingers at the overflowing trash cans, but the truth is, it’s usually our attitudes that create the real problems. My partner prefers to start his day slowly and peacefully, but that tranquility is hard to come by on Thursdays. It’s the day I wake up like a drill sergeant, where every little annoyance conspires to create a whirlwind of chaos in just 30 minutes.
I start the day okay, but then memories of the kids’ musical instruments flood in, I remember that Thursday is the day they hate school lunches, and it’s garbage day, which means I need to wrestle with our overflowing trash bins. It’s also the day when everything seems to go wrong — cereal spills, dishes break, and the kids suddenly turn into little monsters who decide to irritate each other. By the time I’m out of bed, I’m already in the mindset of feeling like I’m navigating this storm alone.
Yet, this perception isn’t entirely accurate. My partner is supportive and engaged, but I often convince myself otherwise. Yes, we could plan better, and we’ve tried various strategies to bring more order to our lives, but we often end up in a chaotic mess.
On mornings like this, we lose sight of the fact that we are in this parenting and marriage journey together. Instead of recognizing each other’s efforts, we tend to highlight what the other is doing wrong. It’s a survival instinct — everyone for themselves until we can finally escape the house.
We find ourselves complaining about each other instead of collaborating. “I need your help today!” I call out, one hand clutching the recycling while desperately trying to caffeinate myself with the other. “We waste too much food,” he retorts, tossing Tupperware into the sink with excessive force. “Yelling at me about wasting food isn’t helping,” I respond. “You’re always cranky on Thursdays.” “It’s because I can’t stand you on Thursdays,” I think, even if I don’t voice it.
On these hectic Thursdays, we forget the essence of our partnership — that we vowed to be a team. We forget that neither of us wants to be bossed around, so why do we do it to each other? If we aren’t united in this journey, what’s the point?
I’ve witnessed countless couples keeping a mental scoreboard, comparing their contributions and tallying up grievances. It turns the relationship into a competitive game, with each person trying to outdo the other. This tallying leads to frustration and exhaustion, much like what we experience on those chaotic mornings.
Determined not to fall into that trap, we’ve committed to reminding each other of our partnership, even on the toughest mornings. Amidst spilled cereal and messy garbage, we pause, share a laugh, or even playfully nudge each other to lighten the mood.
Recently, I had to rush out of town to assist my mother, who was hospitalized. Without hesitation, my partner said, “Go, I’ll handle everything here.” He even learned how to style our daughter’s hair for her school picture day — a task she’s quite particular about.
That’s what marriage is truly about: being there for one another during tough times, being dependable, and providing support and validation. It’s a partnership, not a competition. It also involves tackling the messy tasks together, like dealing with the garbage while preparing lunches and managing sleepy kids, although we’re still fine-tuning that part.
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In summary, marriage is a partnership that requires teamwork and mutual support. It’s essential to remember this, especially during stressful times, to maintain a strong and healthy relationship.
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