During a week-long museum camp, I witnessed something that made me question the lessons we’re teaching our kids about consent. A spirited little boy, around 4 years old, was on a mission. He would dash over to other children—many of whom were practically strangers to him—grabbing them for unsolicited hugs and attempting to plant kisses on their surprised faces. It was clear from their reactions that they were uncomfortable—or even scared—but he continued, seemingly oblivious to their signals.
Some of the children protested loudly, telling him to “Stop!” while others cried and rushed to their mothers for comfort. Instead of intervening, the mothers exchanged smiles, sending a silent message of, “Isn’t that cute? What a little charmer!” To my dismay, not once did this boy’s mother step in to teach him that unwanted physical attention is unacceptable. Nor did any of the teachers or parents take a stand against this behavior.
I found myself complicit in this situation, choosing to remain silent because his kisses were never directed at my daughter. But shame lingered in my heart because I knew I should have spoken up.
On the final day of class, after one too many unwanted embraces, a feisty little girl retaliated and smacked him on the nose. He burst into tears, and his mother rushed to console him. What shocked me further was that the girl’s mother apologized to the boy’s mom for her daughter’s reaction and scolded her daughter for defending herself. Ironically, we were teaching these children a dangerous lesson about consent: that those in authority would allow them to feel uncomfortable or even violated if the aggressor is deemed cute.
Let’s be clear—this little boy isn’t to blame. The first time he invaded someone’s personal space, an adult should have stepped in to teach him about consent: “We don’t touch people who don’t want to be touched.” Sadly, it seems his behavior was inadvertently encouraged by adults who thought it was adorable.
From an early age, we need to instill the importance of consent in our children. They should understand that their bodies belong to them and that they have the right to grant or withdraw permission for touch. They must learn to seek clear consent before touching others.
I don’t force my children to hug or kiss relatives. Instead, I encourage them to make choices based on their comfort level and their relationship with that person. If they prefer a high-five over a hug, that’s perfectly fine. We have open conversations about privacy, body autonomy, and what’s appropriate.
I sincerely hope that if my children ever find themselves in a situation where they need to defend their personal space, they will know how to stand up for themselves. If that means they need to throw a punch to protect their boundaries, I trust I’ve taught them well enough to do so.
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In summary, it’s crucial we teach our children about consent from a young age. It’s not just about affection; it’s about respect for personal boundaries. We must empower them to understand their rights over their own bodies and the importance of seeking permission before any interaction.
Keyphrase: teaching consent to children
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