A few years ago, I penned a lighthearted piece for this blog titled “Overweight and Expecting.” It quickly gained traction on social media, resonating with thousands, and many women reached out to express their gratitude for my candid take on having healthy pregnancies at a size 20. Their heartfelt messages were filled with vulnerability, as they shared their own fears and insecurities about the possibility of a plus-size woman experiencing a healthy pregnancy and childbirth. I found solace in these connections, knowing I had provided them with comfort and a few laughs amidst the negativity.
Those uplifting emails became my lifeline when I faced the harsh backlash from online trolls who hurled disdainful comments my way. Ironically, if their goal was to make me feel ashamed of my size, they missed the mark. I’ve grappled with my weight all my life, often harboring self-loathing. But everything shifted when my daughter was born—a mini version of me, radiating beauty. I realized that if I constantly criticized myself, what message was I sending her?
From that point on, I took Gloria Steinem’s wisdom to heart: “Whenever we criticize our appearance, we forget that a young girl is observing us and learning.” Beauty standards in our society are often impossibly high, with most female models and actresses fitting a narrow mold: tall, slender, light-skinned, and seemingly flawless, thanks to the magic of makeup and editing.
The stark reality is that this standard is unattainable for 95% of women. Those who don’t meet these criteria—women of color, those with disabilities, or individuals with different body types—are often marginalized and made to feel inferior. This poses a significant challenge for my daughters, innocent and unaware of the prejudices they may face as they grow. It is up to me to model self-love and radical acceptance.
No matter how I feel—whether I see myself as a bloated elephant or a washed-up whale—I refuse to criticize my appearance in front of my girls. Instead, I choose to affirm my beauty, even when I don’t feel it. I avoid discussing their weight and, instead, emphasize the importance of feeling strong and making healthy choices.
When talking to my children, I openly acknowledge that I am fat; it’s merely a descriptor, not a slur. By embracing this fact, I strip it of its power to hurt me. I also encourage them to appreciate the diversity of beauty in all its forms, showcasing people of various shapes, sizes, and abilities. I focus on celebrating what my body can do—like taking my kids hiking, swimming, or practicing yoga—rather than fixating on its perceived shortcomings.
I’ve also embraced my body’s sensuality. For years, I wore clothing that concealed me as much as possible, often opting for baggy outfits. Now, for my daughters’ sake, I wear what makes me feel beautiful and confident, advocating for the belief that I deserve to feel attractive. I proudly show off my curves and don’t shy away from flaunting what I love about myself. I even flirt with my husband unapologetically, reinforcing the idea that I am deserving of love and pleasure.
Standing against societal beauty norms can be daunting, with persistent voices whispering insecurities in my ear. Yet, for my daughters, I choose to project confidence, knowing that the example I set will empower them against negativity.
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In conclusion, my journey as a plus-size mom has transformed my perception of beauty and self-worth, and I strive to pass this mindset onto my daughters.
Keyphrase: embracing self-love as a plus-size mom
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