In Colorado Springs, a woman known as “The Bizarre Defecator” has been the center of attention for her alarming habit during her daily jogging routine. Local authorities are seeking the public’s assistance in identifying this individual who has been caught repeatedly relieving herself on the lawns of unsuspecting residents.
It was the children of local resident Sarah Jenkins who first spotted the woman in action. “They came running in, yelling, ‘You won’t believe what we just saw—a lady is pooping outside!’” Jenkins recounted to a local news outlet. When she stepped outside to investigate, she found the woman nonchalantly squatting on her lawn. “I was like, ‘Are you kidding me? You’re actually doing this in front of my kids?’ To which she casually replied, ‘Yeah, sorry.’”
“Yeah, sorry” might suffice for a minor office mishap, but it doesn’t quite cut it when you’re caught mid-squat on someone’s property in broad daylight. Initially, Jenkins assumed the woman must have been in some sort of unfortunate predicament, expecting that she would be horrified, clean up after herself, and avoid the area in the future. However, that was not the case. The Jenkins family estimates they find remnants of the woman’s escapades—often accompanied by napkins—about once a week. (Your Honor, it should be noted that this individual comes prepared with napkins, suggesting a level of premeditation in her actions. The prosecution rests.)
To complicate matters, Jenkins has confronted The Bizarre Defecator twice, yet the behavior persists. As someone who would likely freeze in a public restroom at the first sign of another person, I can’t fathom the confidence it takes to drop your pants and squat in front of strangers. And it’s not just the Jenkins’ lawn that has become a target; other neighbors have reported similar incidents occurring in their yards and even outside a local Walgreens.
Interestingly, despite the presence of a public restroom in a nearby park and a gas station just around the corner, this woman seems to prefer the comfort of private lawns, much to the dismay of neighborhood children and pets. It raises the question—could she be marking her territory like a cat that refuses to use a litter box, returning to the same spot time after time?
In a desperate attempt to put an end to her antics, the Jenkins family has resorted to taking photographs of the woman and sharing them with the police, who are now circulating the images in hopes of identifying her. They’ve even placed a sign in their yard with a plea for her to stop, which she has evidently ignored, as Jenkins noted, “She jogged right past it multiple times yesterday and still went.”
If you recognize this unusual jogger, you might want to alert the Colorado Springs police or send her a strongly worded message. And if you happen to be The Bizarre Defecator, perhaps it’s time to invest in a treadmill or join a gym—because it’s just not worth the hassle for the neighborhood!
For more information on family planning and home insemination, check out resources like this excellent site or visit Make a Mom for insights on home insemination kits.
In summary, the saga of The Bizarre Defecator continues to perplex and disturb the residents of Colorado Springs, leading to an ongoing investigation as neighbors seek a resolution. If you’re interested in related topics, consider reading about home insemination with this comprehensive guide.
Keyphrase: Unusual Jogger Defecating on Lawns
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]