There’s a water gun playdate scheduled at the park, and my anxiety has kicked into overdrive. My packing is excessive: a blanket, chairs, snacks, and water, plus towels for each kid and for myself—just in case we get ambushed by water guns. I’ve also included every water shooter I could find, from the tiny plastic ones to the more robust models. I’ve even packed a minnow trap for some creek fun, along with dog food to lure the minnows. The kids are dressed in sun-protective gear, complete with long-sleeved rash guards and water shoes to protect their feet. This is what anxiety does to me; it leads to overthinking and overpacking.
The real reason for my stress? This playdate is filled with unfamiliar moms, and the thought terrifies me. I’m also worried about running into moms I should know but can’t quite place due to my poor facial recognition and name recall. The pressure is mounting before the event has even begun.
Anxiety complicates many aspects of life—romantic relationships, family interactions, and especially friendships. For many of us who struggle with anxiety, the prospect of making new friends feels daunting. We often believe we’re inherently unlikeable, even when we have a positive self-image. We feel as if everyone is scrutinizing our every move, judging our choices, and weighing our parenting comments against the group’s expectations. The result? We can put on a brave face, but inside, we’re a bundle of nerves.
On a fundamental level, I worry whether I can engage in normal conversation without sounding foolish. Although others tell me I articulate well, the remnants of childhood ridicule and my anxiety create an overwhelming sense of self-doubt. I dread talking for too long or accidentally discussing taboo topics. For instance, what if I casually mention my disdain for a public figure, only to find out the mom next to me is a fervent supporter? So, I steer clear of conversations about politics, religion, education, or anything that could spark controversy. This cautious approach often stifles potentially engaging discussions.
Instead, I resort to the mundane—where are you from? How old are your kids? Aren’t they adorable? I worry that I’ll stumble over their names or ages, which adds to my anxiety. I hesitate to dive deeper, fearing I might ask about her reading habits only to find she isn’t a reader, or bring up music and discover she detests my favorite artists. So, we stick to the weather, and I wonder if it would be awkward to invite her to share my blanket or park bench.
I find myself sizing her up, but discreetly. It’s not about whether she meets my standards; it’s about ensuring I measure up to hers. After enough heartache from past friendships (seriously, it feels like high school all over again), I know to tread carefully. I assess her parenting style—more relaxed and open-minded is a plus. If things seem to be going well, I let my hopes rise. Maybe she could be a friend. Or maybe, once I leave, she’ll share her thoughts about how strange I am or how unruly my kids are.
That’s the crux of adult friendships when anxiety is involved. Even after establishing a connection, doubt lingers. Anxious moms often feel isolated, lacking babysitters or friends who readily offer help because we struggle to trust that anyone will genuinely show up. We’re hesitant to test the waters of friendship, fearing that the disappointment of unreciprocated effort would be too painful.
In essence, making friends as an anxious mom is incredibly challenging. Once friendships form, believing that they genuinely like you becomes another hurdle. We require reassurance, time to build trust, and spontaneous acts of kindness—like an offer to babysit or lending an ear during tough times. The ability to reprimand each other’s kids without judgment is a sign that we’re on the right track.
And who knows? One day, she might be the kind of friend who comes over to help clean the bathrooms—not out of obligation, but because she cares.
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Summary:
Making mom friends while dealing with anxiety can be a daunting task. The fear of judgment and self-doubt often prevent anxious individuals from forming genuine connections. It’s crucial to take small steps, seek reassurance, and allow trust to build over time. Friendships can blossom when both parties feel comfortable, eventually leading to deeper support and understanding.
Keyphrase: Making friends as a mom with anxiety
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