Menu
- Lifestyle
- Everyone Needs to Compromise a Bit in Marriage—and That’s Okay
by Jamie Parker
Sep. 20, 2023
I manage a tutoring center at a university, and recently, I had a conversation with one of my student assistants about his dream partner. He was in his early 20s, a star athlete from a comfortable background. At some point, the discussion shifted to his ideal woman. To be honest, his expectations made it sound like he was on the hunt for a mythical creature.
He began with physical traits, as many young men do. He envisioned a woman who was neither too tall nor too short, with a specific hair color and breast size. She should be curvy in some areas but slim in others. Intelligence and humor were a must, along with a supportive nature. He wanted someone who was athletic, smart, and a gaming enthusiast. She had to be nurturing with children and adventurous in the bedroom. He sought a relaxed personality yet someone who was passionate about social issues. Oh, and she had to have a flair for fashion without being pretentious.
He elaborated for quite a while, clearly having put significant thought into this list.
Once he finished, I posed a question that caught him off guard: “What happens when this dream woman changes?”
He paused, clearly taken aback. “What do you mean?” he asked.
I continued, “What will you do if she spends more time focusing on the kids than on athletics? What if she decides video games are childish and pursues a law degree instead? How will you feel if she goes through a challenging pregnancy, resulting in changes to her body that you didn’t expect? What if she starts dressing in comfy clothes because she’s too busy caring for the kids to prioritize her appearance? Will you still love her?”
Silence filled the air.
As we talked, I reflected on my own marriage. Having been married for over 13 years and raising three children together, I couldn’t recall my exact expectations when I was in my 20s, but I knew they were probably not far from my student’s. When I first met Sarah, she seemed to tick all the boxes. I’m not entirely sure what her criteria for a husband were, but I like to think I met them.
Yet, we’ve both evolved. I’ve gained some weight, switched careers a few times, and my once-boyish charm has faded. I’ve developed the habit of leaving the bathroom door slightly ajar and let’s just say, I can clear a room with my new “talents.” My hair is thinning and gray, and my wardrobe is mostly work polos and cargo shorts now.
Sarah has changed too; she’s become a vegetarian (that was an adjustment!) and surprisingly returned to school. There are days when she might skip a shower because life with kids gets hectic. Her once-brown hair now has its share of gray strands.
At this stage, we still love each other, but it’s not without its challenges. I recall one incident when I was caught discreetly wiping a booger under the seat of her new car—now that was almost a deal-breaker! Then there was the time she got a speeding ticket and kept it a secret for over a year.
None of these changes have been grounds for serious issues. We haven’t faced substance abuse or infidelity. However, making our marriage work has required a degree of compromise. It’s about accepting the imperfections in each other and recognizing that the person you marry may not stay the same forever.
After a brief silence, I acknowledged my student’s high standards. “It’s great to have standards,” I said. “But what you really need is to find someone you can grow with. Remember, you both will change, and finding someone who can embrace your transformations is vital for a successful marriage.”
“I’ve never thought about it that way,” he replied, looking a bit anxious.
I admitted that I hadn’t considered these aspects when I married either. I didn’t realize Sarah would evolve in ways I couldn’t foresee, just as I would. Yet, through all the changes, our love has deepened. It means letting go of the idealized partner and embracing the journey of growing together, even if it’s a bit lopsided or filled with gray hair. In fact, I love her more now because I know she accepts me for who I am today and who I will continue to become.
I hope this perspective resonated with him, even if it takes time to fully sink in. Anyone who has been married for a while can likely relate. The truth is, if you ever felt like you had the perfect match, that feeling may not last. And that’s perfectly fine; it’s a natural part of a long-term relationship. You must be ready to accept both your partner’s flaws and your own. When that happens, you grow together, and life becomes a beautiful journey.
For those exploring their paths to parenthood, consider checking out the at-home insemination kit as a great option. Additionally, for couples navigating their fertility journey, the couples fertility journey for intracervical insemination is a valuable resource. And if you’re interested in pregnancy-related topics, this site offers excellent information.
Summary:
Marriage often requires compromise as both partners change over time. High expectations are common, but it’s essential to prioritize finding someone you can grow with rather than seeking perfection. Embracing each other’s flaws leads to a deeper love and a fulfilling partnership.
Keyphrase: Marriage Compromise
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]