Parenting can sometimes feel like navigating a minefield, especially when it comes to how we praise our little ones. A recent study claims that telling our kids they’re “smart” may lead them to cheat, and frankly, I’m tempted to start communicating with my children through grunts because it seems like every word comes with a risk.
The study, titled “Praising Young Children for Being Smart Promotes Cheating,” was published in Psychological Science. Researchers from the U.S., Canada, and China observed 300 preschoolers in China during a guessing game. They praised varying groups of kids for being smart, for their performance, or offered no praise at all. When the researchers stepped out of the room, those praised for being smart were more likely to cheat than their counterparts in the other two groups.
This aligns with the theories of Carol Dweck from Stanford, who has spent decades exploring how kids with a “growth mindset”—those who believe intelligence can be developed—are often more motivated and successful than those labeled as smart or talented. I find this study credible, as it makes sense that kids labeled as smart might feel immense pressure to maintain that image, leading them to take shortcuts when things get tough. Yet, knowing this just makes my head spin. Soon enough, my kids will solve a math problem, look for my praise, and I’ll be left staring blankly and muttering, “You added.”
Reading parenting studies is often enlightening, but it leaves many parents feeling like they’re in a high-stakes negotiation with their toddlers. The stress is palpable.
Resources for Navigating Praise
Numerous resources exist to help us navigate the tricky waters of praise. An article in Parents Magazine titled “How To Praise Your Kids” suggests ten tips, such as don’t over-praise, focus on effort, use positive body language, tell the truth, and steer clear of sarcasm. These are solid guidelines, but until they become second nature, complimenting your child might feel like a chore.
For instance, imagine this scenario:
Child: “Mommy, look at this drawing I made! That’s us!”
Mom: (consults notes, clears throat) “Great job, Jamie! You made a drawing. I see the sun, but you know suns don’t typically have faces. However, it’s evident you put a lot of yellow in there. And while people usually have more than three fingers and our heads aren’t disproportionately large, I appreciate the effort. Keep practicing, and you’ll improve. Off you go. Mommy loves your hard work.”
If someone else spoke to you like this, you’d probably think they were a total jerk. And if a boss approached you like this after a big project, you’d be preparing to pack your things. Imagine presenting a project and your boss merely saying, “Thanks, you worked hard on this.” You’d be bracing for bad news.
While no one argues against the value of praise, it shouldn’t stop parents from expressing genuine compliments. If you hesitate before saying something nice, kids notice. We all want to support our children, and it makes sense that saying, “Wow, you’ve really been putting effort into that song! Impressive!” is more beneficial than a hyperbolic, “That was the best Hot Cross Buns ever! You’re a musical genius!” Our children should know they are our world, and we shouldn’t hold back from expressing that—just as long as we balance it with honesty and encouragement.
Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, navigating the landscape of praising our children has become increasingly complex, with studies indicating that certain types of praise could lead to undesirable behaviors like cheating. While we all want to encourage our kids, we must find a balance that supports their growth without putting undue pressure on them.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Praise Strategies
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