When my first child was in her toddler years, I became engrossed in a few crafting blogs. Admittedly, I’m not the most artistic person, but these blogs made it seem so effortless to whip up a couple of cute mittens or create a papier-mâché basket with my 2-year-old. It looked to me like these crafty moms had it all figured out: stunning children creating delightful things in their picturesque homes.
As a parent, I often felt I was missing out on the #bliss I was convinced I should be experiencing. I thought that diving headfirst into crafting, just like these seemingly perfect mothers, would fill that void and bring me happiness.
For months, I eagerly clicked on my computer each morning, absorbing the latest projects these women had created while parenting their adorable kids, who were often captured frolicking in the woods in hand-knit sweaters, savoring homemade jam on freshly baked bread at rustic oak dining tables. And let’s not forget that these supermoms also seemed to manage to make a living on the side. They were the definition of “parenting goals” during those early, optimistic, and perhaps naive years of parenthood.
However, these blogs also played a role in pushing me toward a significant anxiety crisis when my daughter turned 2 and a half. While they weren’t the sole cause, my relentless pursuit of parental perfection—attempting to juggle everything while keeping my sanity, my home tidy, and earning a living—ultimately took its toll on me.
No mother can truly do it all, perform perfectly, and keep her sanity intact. The belief that achieving such a lifestyle is within reach is not only unrealistic but can also worsen issues like anxiety, depression, OCD, or even PTSD. Striving for perfection can strip away any joy that parenting has to offer. Remember, your kids aren’t concerned about how your parenting appears; they care about the love, warmth, and fun you provide.
After that anxiety-ridden summer and several years of therapy, I’ve come to terms with the fact that a picture-perfect life as a mom is unattainable. I’ve learned not to compare my life to others, especially those curated social media personas. I’m certain those crafting moms had their struggles too; they simply chose what to showcase.
No one understands your parenting journey better than you do. No one knows what your family requires or what your children truly need. After my breakdown from trying to be the ideal parent, I adopted a new approach: I call it the “whatever works” parenting philosophy—or, when I’m feeling cheeky, the “I don’t give a darn” method.
What Does the “Whatever Works” Parenting Philosophy Entail?
Well, it means allowing your kids to lounge around in pajamas all day playing video games, or it could mean having a fun-filled family adventure from dawn till dusk. Your choices about breastfeeding, co-sleeping, schooling, or working should be based on what suits your family, not dictated by what others do or say. It’s about adapting your methods when things aren’t working, simply because you’ve discovered a better way.
This approach allows you to focus on parenting choices that resonate with your personality and that of your children, acknowledging that each family has unique needs. It also means not judging other parents for their decisions, realizing that diversity in parenting styles enriches our world. Above all, it’s crucial to prioritize mental health—for both you and your kids—since true well-being has little to do with how your life appears to outsiders.
Once you release the pressure of chasing an unattainable ideal, you’ll rediscover the joy that motivated you to become a parent. Yes, that one last work email can wait. It’s perfectly alright to leave the dishes in the sink tonight. And don’t feel guilty about your third trip to the drive-thru this week. Embrace your imperfections. Snuggle with your kids, engage with them, and share some laughter.
Letting go of the need for perfection opens the door to joy, just waiting for you to step through.
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Summary
The pursuit of the flawless parent image can lead to stress and anxiety, detracting from the joy of parenting. Embracing the idea that perfection is unattainable allows parents to focus on what truly matters: love, fun, and connection with their children.
Keyphrase
The Illusion of the Flawless Parent
Tags
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