My mom used to describe me as “honest as a sunny day,” which I think means I’m pretty straightforward. What you see is what you get—good, bad, or ugly. The challenge with being an open and honest person is that it often leads to the assumption that others share that same quality. You start to believe that everyone has good intentions, is trustworthy, and is kind-hearted. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
I’ve been burned by my overly trusting nature more times than I care to count. Perhaps you’ve faced similar situations—like when a coworker takes credit for your brilliant idea or when a stranger feels entitled to judge your choices as a parent. Even more disheartening are the moments when so-called “friends” offer terrible advice, seemingly to make themselves feel superior.
I can’t help but feel shocked when I discover that someone has been spreading misinformation or when I learn that others exaggerate their experiences for personal gain. It baffles me how some individuals can mask their unkindness under the guise of “brutal honesty.” Maybe I’m just overly optimistic, but I struggle to understand how people can behave this way without a hint of remorse.
After experiencing disappointment repeatedly, I’ve turned to a select few friends and family members for genuine support. Yet, my tendency to assume the best in everyone complicates my ability to discern who is truly trustworthy. How do you know who genuinely wants to help and who is merely seeking to inflate their own ego? Does this person have the skills to provide feedback that is both truthful and compassionate?
Elizabeth Gilbert’s Four-Part Test
Elizabeth Gilbert offers valuable insight for those of us who tend to be overly trusting. After being hurt by a “friend” who consistently provided harsh, unkind advice, Gilbert devised a four-part test to evaluate whether she should confide in someone regarding her creative endeavors:
- Do I trust this person’s judgment?
- Does this person grasp what I’m trying to achieve?
- Does this person genuinely want me to succeed?
- Can this person deliver the truth in a sensitive, compassionate way?
To simplify, Gilbert’s criteria boil down to these essential questions: Is this person’s judgment reliable? Do they understand my goals? Do they sincerely wish for my success? Are they kind-hearted?
If the answer to any of these questions isn’t a resounding yes, Gilbert advises against sharing your thoughts with that person. Adopting a “thanks, but no thanks” attitude can be liberating. With this four-part filter in mind, she’s been able to surround herself with those who genuinely aim to uplift her, rather than hinder her progress.
As I pondered who in my life meets all four criteria, I found the list to be quite short. This realization is freeing; in a world filled with information overload, it’s crucial to have a method for filtering advice. While it’s not beneficial to have people constantly appeasing us, it’s equally unhelpful to receive advice that feels condescending or unkind.
“If I’m going to open up to you, I need to know I can trust you, that you understand me, that you truly want me to thrive, and most importantly, that you can be compassionate in your honesty,” Gilbert expressed in a magazine article. I couldn’t agree more.
Trust should not be granted simply because someone voices their opinion loudly or harshly. Not everyone is entitled to weigh in on our lives—even those we call friends. Honesty is only valuable when it’s accompanied by kindness.
Resources for Navigating Parenthood
For those navigating the journey of parenthood, you might find helpful resources on at-home insemination. Check out this guide to intracervical insemination kits and learn more about home insemination kits from experts in the field. If you’re looking for more information, this WebMD resource is also worth checking out!
Conclusion
In conclusion, being an honest person doesn’t mean everyone else is as well. Take the time to assess who you can truly trust, and make sure that honesty is always paired with kindness.
Keyphrase: Trustworthiness in Relationships
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