Parenting
What Would Tara Harper Do? This Is Not Your Average Advice Column
by Tara Harper
Aug. 31, 2017
Dear Tara,
Lila from Ohio asks: How do I articulate the distinction between a stay-at-home mom and a work-from-home mom like myself? I feel like I’m always having to explain to my friends and family that no, I can’t just drop everything and spend the day at the zoo. No, I can’t just grab a babysitter and indulge in margaritas at lunch. And then there’s the inevitable “So, what do you do all day?” question. Uh, EVERYTHING?! That includes wiping noses while I’m sending out invoices.
Sweet Lila,
I totally understand where you’re coming from. I was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for several years, and it’s a challenging job in itself. It’s incredibly demanding. Sure, we adore our kids, but the endless cycle of talking, whining, feeding, cleaning up messes, and keeping them from eating things they shouldn’t is exhausting—both mentally and emotionally. It can be rewarding yet equally draining.
The difference is that SAHMs often have the chance to connect with other moms, organize playdates, or plan outings to parks and picnics. They have some flexibility in their schedules, right?
But let’s not kid ourselves: SAHMs are rockstars. I know that not every outing is a picture-perfect, tantrum-free experience. Plus, finding like-minded moms to socialize with can be tough—sometimes you end up spending time with people you don’t even click with just to get out of the house. It’s easy to feel isolated when you’re home all day.
Yet, SAHMs generally aren’t juggling the demands of a boss, tight deadlines, or a flood of emails. They don’t have to worry about presentations or reports due at a specific time—other than maybe a nap time.
As a work-from-home mom, you’re multitasking like a pro—trying to get one kid to eat their veggies while another has a crayon stuck up their nose, and the third is calling from the bathroom to check out the letter “S” they just created using their poop, all while you’re searching for your glasses (which are perched on your head) to manage your overflowing inbox of invoices due by 2 p.m.
I’m exhausted just thinking about it!
I completely get your frustration when people don’t grasp the two very different roles you play at home.
Here’s what Tara Harper would do:
First off, remember that people want to spend time with you, which is flattering even if your first instinct is to shout, “I’m working, people!” over the phone.
You can say something like, “I appreciate your invitation to the trampoline park/that you want me to grab drinks in the middle of the day/that you’d like me to join a picnic while we chat about what direction Taylor Swift’s new album is going in, but I really need to keep the lights on and make sure my little ones are taken care of. So, thanks, but I’ll have to pass for now. Maybe we can catch up on a weekend when I’m not juggling work from home.”
And if they still don’t get it and call again? Just say, “Absolutely! I’d love to bring my kids over to play with yours. You can handle the fun stuff—feeding them, keeping them entertained, and all that good stuff. I’ll just find a quiet corner to work on my emails and reports that have piled up while I was busy being a mom. Thanks for understanding how challenging it can be to juggle two roles at once, you’re a gem!”
I’m rooting for you! Let me know how it goes.
—Tara Harper
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Summary:
In this advice column, Tara Harper addresses Lila’s concerns about the differences between stay-at-home moms and work-from-home moms. She empathizes with the challenges that come with managing both roles simultaneously. Tara provides practical suggestions for communicating boundaries with friends while highlighting the importance of self-care and understanding.
Keyphrase: work-from-home mom advice
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