Kids can be downright cruel. It’s a sad fact of life. Since time immemorial, children have been known to deliver wedgies, toss “nerds” into trash cans, and shed tears over the actions of pint-sized bullies. For reasons unknown, humans seem to have a knack for inflicting pain on one another. They gossip, fight, and bully, and unfortunately, this pattern doesn’t disappear as we grow up. In fact, some of the worst offenders at my local playground are often the adults sipping lattes in their yoga pants.
None of us want to raise little monsters. No one brings a child into the world hoping they’ll become a self-centered brat. We strive to instill values in our kids, teaching them the golden rule and the importance of kindness. But what about the subtler forms of exclusion? The hurt caused by simply standing by? Perhaps you’ve experienced it yourself—those cliquish kids who turn their backs on the new family in town. Trust me, being excluded can sting just as much as a direct bully’s attack.
That’s why we need to go beyond merely preventing our children from becoming bullies. We must actively cultivate includers.
Take a look around: Bullies no longer lurk in the shadows; they flaunt their bigotry openly. From playgrounds to college campuses—and yes, even in the corridors of power—our society is suffering from a glaring lack of kindness. I want my kids to stand against this trend. But how do we counteract our inherent tendencies to exclude? How can we teach our children to be the includers our world sorely needs?
First and foremost, we must embody inclusivity ourselves.
1. Be the Example.
The old adage “do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t fly here. If you ridicule others in front of your kids, they will take note. When parents belittle racial, religious, or personal differences at home, kids will replicate that behavior outside. It’s crucial to have age-appropriate discussions about social issues. Acknowledge diversity and explain its importance. Be the includer you wish to see in the world.
2. Celebrate Kindness.
Whenever you witness your child being inclusive, express your pride. Highlight specific actions and the feelings they evoke. For example, say, “Emily, it made my heart swell when you invited Mia to join your game. I bet that made her feel really happy!” By recognizing kindness and its positive impact, you’re fostering empathy in your child.
3. Foster Empathy.
There will come a time when your child runs to you in tears, not from a scraped knee, but from the sting of exclusion. Your instinct might be to seek out the offending child for a stern talking-to, but that’s not the lesson you want to convey. Use those moments to teach empathy. Comfort them first, then ask, “Do you remember how sad you felt when Jake didn’t let you play? That’s why we include everyone; we don’t want anyone to feel that way.” Empathy is a skill that children must learn, not something that comes naturally.
4. Stand Up Against Injustice.
Regrettably, we live in a world where inclusivity is often the exception rather than the rule. A quick glance at the news reveals the real consequences of adults who grew up as excluders. The political landscape is charged, and our children are paying attention. If we remain silent when entire groups face discrimination, what message are we sending about inclusivity? We need to be advocates for kindness, challenging hate daily. Teach our children that being an includer means opening their hearts to everyone.
This world is complex and messy, with no easy answers to its challenges. However, we can strive to break the cycle of exclusion and negativity. Let’s commit to raising includers, one empathetic and inclusive little warrior at a time.
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In summary, let’s raise our children to be champions of inclusivity. They can make a difference in a world that desperately needs it.
Keyphrase: Raise kids who are includers
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