I was mindlessly scrolling through my social media feed the other day when I stumbled upon a photo of some friends enjoying a lazy afternoon together. I wasn’t there. Despite trying to convince myself that it was no big deal (one of the women was a close friend while the others were merely acquaintances), the sting of exclusion hit hard.
In that moment, I was transported back to high school, where I often felt the pangs of loneliness as I learned about the cool kids’ parties I wasn’t invited to. This wasn’t just the typical fear of missing out (FOMO); it was a genuine sense of being left out, and that hurts.
Before the rise of social media, we could confine our high school angst to our teenage years. We grew up, recognized that the “popular” kids were just as lost as the rest of us, and moved on. But now, it seems, the shadow of popularity still looms large in adulthood, exacerbated by social media’s relentless grip.
However, experts suggest that not all types of popularity are harmful. According to Dr. Nathan Gregory, author of Popularity: The Hidden Side of Social Standing, there are two kinds of popularity: status-driven and relationship-driven. Unfortunately, many of us chase the wrong one. Those who crave status often end up anxious and unhappy, while those who cultivate likability tend to build healthier relationships and lead more fulfilling lives. Striving for social media validation through likes, fancy cars, and positions of power can lead to unhealthy dynamics and damaged relationships.
Back in the days before Facebook and Instagram, we navigated our popularity struggles during adolescence, eventually realizing that meaningful connections trumped status. Now, with social media extending this learning curve, our quest for acceptance has transformed into a lifestyle. In essence, adulthood often feels like an unending high school experience.
Interestingly, this issue appears to weigh heavier on girls than boys. Dr. Gregory explains that girls tend to compare themselves to aggressive, high-status peers, often leading to damaging self-perceptions that can linger throughout their lives.
How to Navigate This Complicated Landscape
So, what can we do to help ourselves and the younger generation navigate this complicated landscape without falling into the pitfalls of a real-life Mean Girls scenario?
Dr. Gregory emphasizes the need for parents to guide their children towards likability by fostering kindness, active listening, and strong friendships instead of fixating on status symbols like athletic prowess or social media popularity. The right kind of popularity should stem from genuine relationships, where a child is appreciated for their character and how they treat others, rather than their possessions or accomplishments.
It’s crucial to recognize the real impact of popularity on our lives. Dismissing these feelings as trivial does a disservice to their significance. The pain of exclusion can affect us deeply, even altering our DNA, impacting not just our emotional well-being but also the very genes we pass on to future generations.
For adults, Dr. Gregory suggests we let go of our high school baggage. Yes, it might be tough, but it’s essential to forgive those who have hurt us and move on. Remember, not everyone will appreciate us, and that’s perfectly fine. We might miss out on certain events, but that doesn’t mean we’re missing anything substantial. Personally, I’ve discovered that nurturing a few close friendships offers far more satisfaction than having many superficial ones.
And let’s face it: sometimes it’s more enjoyable to snuggle up on the couch in comfy pajamas, indulging in a pint of ice cream while binge-watching our favorite shows, than to mingle at social gatherings discussing mundane topics like home decor.
As we scroll through social media, we must strive to ignore the allure of likes and followers. We should savor experiences without the need to document them online. Celebrate our children’s achievements without broadcasting every detail. Acknowledge those moments of feeling excluded, but don’t dwell on them for too long.
While life may never fully shake off that high school vibe, we can collectively embrace the idea that we’re all navigating this journey together, which is far richer than any number of likes or material possessions.
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Summary
Adult life often mirrors high school dynamics, particularly when it comes to feelings of exclusion and the quest for popularity. Experts differentiate between status-driven and relationship-driven popularity, emphasizing the latter’s importance for healthy relationships. As we navigate adulthood, we must prioritize meaningful connections over superficial validation and teach future generations the value of kindness and strong friendships.
Keyphrase: adult life feels like high school
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