Devices: What’s the Right Age for Kids to Have One, And How to Set Boundaries After You Say ‘Yes’

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Last month, my imaginative daughter, who loves dolls and wears pigtails, celebrated her 7th birthday. In the weeks leading up to her special day, she put together an exciting wish list. In previous years, it was filled with items from the latest toy catalogs and craft kits she’d seen on TV. But this year, the list was remarkably brief. It contained just one item: a phone.

She was determined about the phone, explaining how it would help her make calls, FaceTime with friends, and send text messages. When we told her that a phone was off the table at 7, I braced myself for a dramatic reaction. Instead, she calmly suggested we consider getting her an iPad or iPod Touch instead. Before I could respond, my confident little girl assured us she would use the device responsibly. She promised to keep it away during meals, not share passwords, and inform us if anyone reached out to her unexpectedly.

Clearly, she had been paying attention while I worked.

As a former attorney now focused on violence prevention, I help families and educators develop strategies for guiding children through the complexities of online interactions. My workshops emphasize the importance of discussing the potential pitfalls of social media and the lasting impact of what we share online. I firmly believe that to prevent digital mishaps, we must engage in candid conversations early and often, setting clear boundaries that encourage wise decision-making.

So, here I was, facing the reality of my daughter’s request, where my professional insights and personal life intersected.

Truth be told, I would have preferred to keep my daughter device-free for as long as possible. As parents, our instinct is to shield our children from harm, and I’ve witnessed too many online scenarios lead to distressing outcomes. However, the statistics were undeniable: 95% of kids aged 8 to 11 had accessed the internet recently, and 45% had used social media. Keeping a device away from my daughter seemed nearly impossible. Instead, I chose to turn her request into an opportunity to establish guidelines for safe and responsible online exploration.

On her birthday evening, she joyfully unwrapped her gift. The iPod Touch came with one crucial stipulation: before she could use it, we needed to sit down and outline our expectations together. To my surprise, she was eager to engage in this process and help create our agreement.

During this discussion, I also had to reflect on my own habits that would now be under scrutiny. I realized there were areas where I could improve. If I expected my children to leave their devices away during dinner, I couldn’t sneak a peek at my phone for work emails. The days of snapping photos without asking for permission were behind me. This realization reinforced my commitment to guide my daughter, and myself, toward using technology as a helpful tool rather than a constant distraction.

Over the past month, I’ve been amazed at how responsibly my daughter has approached her new device. She diligently puts it away before dinner and keeps an eye on the clock for her 8 p.m. shutdown. While I know this level of self-regulation won’t last indefinitely without reminders, I am hopeful that we are forging a path toward healthy boundaries and open communication.

For many families I encounter, the feeling of a technology takeover seems inevitable and overwhelming. As parents navigating this fast-paced digital landscape, the challenges can feel daunting. However, when I see my 7-year-old’s potential, I glimpse solutions. Encouraging smart, safe online choices doesn’t mean locking devices (or our children) away forever; it means creating structures and boundaries that support safe and thoughtful engagement both online and offline.

And just to clarify, my little 7-year-old, no matter how persuasive you are, Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook will have to wait a bit longer.

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Summary:

Navigating the decision of when to introduce devices to children can be challenging for parents. After her daughter’s request for a phone, Marissa Langley chose to turn the occasion into an opportunity to set boundaries for responsible technology use. By establishing mutual expectations and reflecting on her own habits, she aims to foster healthy online engagement while ensuring her daughter understands the importance of safety and communication in a digital world.

Keyphrase: Kids and technology use

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