The One Question I Always Ask My Kids After School Is About Kindness, Not Grades

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Last school year, I made it a point to ask my children the same question on our drive home from school: “What act of kindness did you show today?” It started for a few reasons but quickly became a meaningful part of our daily routine, sparking conversations I hadn’t anticipated. In a world that could always use a little more kindness, I hope to keep this tradition alive for many years to come.

A Glimpse into Our Car Environment

Now, let me give you a glimpse into our car environment during these discussions. I don’t want you to think I’m just another composed parent with perfectly behaved kids; that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not someone who maintains a zen-like calm, nor are my children little angels. To my surprise, I now find myself driving a minivan that looks more like a tornado hit it—papers and leftover snacks strewn everywhere. When the kids hop in after school, chaos usually ensues, complete with arguments over toys and at least one of the younger siblings wailing because I interrupted their nap.

In the midst of this, I would often ask my kids how their day went, usually in a tone that suggested I was just trying to survive the ride. The answer was typically a disinterested “good,” and that was that. One day, I decided to switch things up and ask, “What kindness did you show today?” The atmosphere in the car transformed immediately. I repeated the question the next day, and it stuck.

I won’t pretend to remember to ask every day. Some days we skipped it entirely, while other times the kids would bubble over with excitement and share their acts of kindness before I even had a chance to ask. Those were the moments I cherished the most.

Why Kindness Matters

Through my kids’ early schooling, I’ve come to realize that not every child will bring home straight A’s or excel in sports or music. The future we envision for our children might not align with the paths they choose. So why not prioritize raising good people instead?

Five Reasons to Ask About Kindness

Here are five reasons why I believe asking “How were you kind today?” is a valuable conversation starter for school-age children:

  1. It Sets a Positive Tone: Our after-school rides were often filled with grumpiness. Shifting the focus to kindness brightened our mood. Hearing my kids share simple, uplifting stories—like “I shared my crayons with Mia”—lifted my spirits too.
  2. It Encourages Honest Conversations: Initially, I didn’t expect my kids to discuss unkind situations, but when they did, it opened new channels of communication. They felt comfortable sharing when someone had been mean, which is essential for their emotional well-being.
  3. It Sparks Important Lessons: Our kindness discussions sometimes led to deeper conversations about right and wrong. For instance, one of my kids once shared, “I told Emily that if she didn’t believe in Santa, he wouldn’t come to her house.” While well-intentioned, it provided a perfect opportunity for a discussion about respect for different beliefs.
  4. It Helps Us Prepare for Tomorrow: There were days when I got a grumpy response of, “I didn’t do anything kind today.” That’s part of life, and recognizing it helps us talk about how we can make the next day better.
  5. It Fosters Kindness: While it’s essential to know about grades, I believe that asking about kindness first creates a positive mindset. I want my kids to realize that being a good person is ultimately more valuable than academic achievement.

As we navigate a world that often seems less kind, especially with the prevalence of social media, it’s crucial to instill kindness in our children. I hope to keep this discussion going, even as they grow older and face tougher challenges.

When my daughter, who is moving to first grade, excitedly asked, “You’ll still ask us about our kindness, right?” it confirmed the importance of this tradition. I’m committed to continuing this practice and fostering a culture of kindness in our family. Together, let’s raise a generation that values compassion and empathy as much as academic success.

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In summary, asking my kids about their acts of kindness has transformed our after-school conversations and helped create a positive atmosphere. This simple question not only fosters kindness but also provides opportunities for deeper discussions about feelings, beliefs, and moral lessons.

Keyphrase: school kindness conversations

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