August 20, 2023
Let me share a moment from my life. It was time for my 2-year-old son, Max, to take his afternoon nap. As I lifted him into my arms, he erupted in chaos. His little body went rigid, and he flailed his arms, trying to escape like a slippery fish. I’ve been through this before, so I held on tight and braced myself. Out of sheer frustration at being thwarted, he head-butted me right on the nose. The impact made my eyes water, and I saw stars as I set him down on my lap, insisting he apologize for hurting me.
Max’s wailing stopped almost instantly as he furrowed his brow, casting his gaze everywhere but into my eyes. This was his tell, the signal that a battle of wills was about to commence. I steeled myself and prepared for the inevitable showdown.
I’ve always been quite stubborn, and this is where the true test of character begins. If you’re more laid-back and adaptable, you might be raising an eyebrow, questioning what kind of absurdity is about to unfold between a mother and a toddler who can’t even tie their shoelaces but somehow seems to be calling the shots.
However, if you share my stubborn nature, you’re probably sitting a bit straighter, mentally cheering me on to stand my ground. After all, we wouldn’t want to raise a generation of children who are even more obstinate than we are, right?
For those of us with a stubborn disposition—especially when paired with a strong-willed child—the prospect of endless confrontations becomes all too real. Initially, I thought I could simply outlast Max. After all, I’m the adult. I believed that giving in would only teach him to walk all over me. What I didn’t grasp back then is that no one can truly outlast a toddler. They have nothing else on their agenda except testing the limits of their parent’s resolve. I genuinely empathize with anyone who might have to face my son in the future; his focus on winning is intense.
Being a stubborn parent often leads to more conflicts than we care to admit. But when you throw a stubborn child into the mix—one who seems to think that every obstacle is their personal hill to conquer—the number of battles escalates significantly. The fundamental principle of parenting is to find teachable moments, but stubborn kids resist learning from them; they will hold their breath until they pass out if they have to.
Through these experiences, I’ve learned quite a bit about myself. For starters, I’ve come to realize that I may have been a bit of a handful as a child. Whenever I call my friend Jessica to vent about Max’s antics, she laughs at me—not sweetly, but in a way that conveys, “Welcome to my world.” It’s as if she’s saying, “Now you understand what I went through, and believe me, this is just the beginning.”
I also recognize the importance of choosing my battles wisely. Reflecting on my own upbringing, I recall my mother often saying that nothing would make me do something I didn’t want to do. I felt a sense of pride back then, relishing what I thought was a victory. Now, as an adult, I see how much of a stubborn pain I must have been for her to come to that realization, and how comfortable she became in sharing it with others.
Max is only 2, yet I’ve come to understand that if I let every little thing turn into a confrontation, my days will be consumed by 40-minute stand-offs. I’ve learned to let go of many little issues that used to seem significant; the energy spent on those battles is simply not worth the outcome. Now, I’ve narrowed it down to a small list of actual big issues—safety and kindness are non-negotiable. I know I’ll still be facing many more lengthy standoffs about saying sorry, but letting go of some of my own stubbornness has sparked my creativity.
One day, the endless tug-of-war came to a close when I shook Max’s hand and thanked him for our “I’m sorry” handshake. He paused for a moment, then grinned and apologized before scampering off to play. It was a small victory, and I’m aware that it doesn’t mean he’ll be more likely to apologize the next time he head-butts me. While I can guide him in understanding right from wrong, I must accept that he is who he is. Perhaps I can find solace in the fact that his strong will could help him grow into a resilient person. At least I can take comfort knowing that one day, he might have children just like him. When he inevitably calls me, frustrated over a similar situation, I’ll be there, laughing with an understanding that we both owe a debt of parenting karma.
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In summary, navigating the challenges of raising a stubborn child as a stubborn parent can lead to humorous and enlightening moments. By learning to pick my battles and embracing creativity, I find ways to connect with my son while preparing for the inevitable parenting payback in the future.
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