“Can I give her a hug?” a stranger asked me, her arms open wide with anticipation. My daughter stood there, twisting her little hands, her face showing clear signs of discomfort.
“I’m not sure. Why don’t you ask her?” I replied, but my five-year-old shook her head just enough for me to see. The stranger, however, seemed oblivious to her body language.
“What about a high-five?” I suggested, trying to mask my irritation. Can’t you tell when a child isn’t interested in hugging you? She was gripping my thigh like I was her lifeline, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation.
Then, the woman had the nerve to look disappointed. Why would a child feel compelled to hug someone they don’t know? Sure, she might think my daughter is adorable, but that doesn’t grant her the right to demand a child’s affection. Just because my daughter is young does not mean she has a responsibility to make others feel loved and validated.
This brings us to the important concept of bodily autonomy—the idea that everyone has the right to make choices about their own bodies. Sounds straightforward, doesn’t it? I can’t decide if you get a tattoo, and you can’t dictate whether or not I hug a neighbor at a barbecue. So why do we, as parents, sometimes feel entitled to dictate what our kids do with their own bodies? Who they can hug, who can touch them, and who can plant sticky kisses on their cheeks?
I have vivid memories of one of my great-aunts who loved to give me sloppy kisses during our infrequent visits. I still recall the shade of her lipstick and the squishy sensation of her lips on my cheek. Every time I catch a whiff of her perfume, I’m transported back to that uncomfortable moment. I had to stand there, pretending that being smeared with bright coral lipstick was endearing. To me, she felt like a stranger, and that affection was anything but welcome.
Because I remember how that felt, I’m determined that my kids won’t have the same experiences. We prioritize their bodily autonomy from a young age.
Let’s be real—if my kids had their way, they’d probably skip bathing, tooth brushing, and hair combing altogether. They’d be like Pigpen from the Peanuts, with dirt trailing behind them. My daughter would likely run around without clothes, while my son would sport a face full of mud like a wild child.
However, there are many ways we respect their right to decide what happens with their bodies. I won’t impose my fashion preferences on them, nor will I force any hairstyle they don’t want (though I do insist on a good wash once in a while). I won’t dictate permanent body modifications like ear piercings either.
Most importantly, I won’t make them hug, kiss, or touch anyone they don’t want to—including us, their parents, and relatives.
By empowering them to make choices about their bodies, I hope to equip them with the confidence to say no when they feel uncomfortable, especially during their teenage years when I’m not around. They will understand that they are the sole decision-makers regarding their bodies and that it’s perfectly okay to prioritize their comfort over someone else’s feelings. That knowledge is priceless.
Their body. Their choices. End of discussion.
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Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of bodily autonomy for children, advocating that they have the right to choose who touches them and how. It reflects on personal experiences to illustrate the discomfort children can feel and argues that empowering kids to make their own choices about their bodies is crucial for their confidence and self-worth.
Keyphrase
Bodily autonomy for kids
Tags
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