As I drove home on that warm November evening, leaves danced around my car, and the almost-bare branches swayed gently in the breeze. During my drive, I caught an insightful segment on NPR featuring filmmaker Kenneth Lonergan, who shared profound thoughts on loss and how we process it. He articulated a compelling point: moving on is not the same as moving forward.
When we think about moving on from a loss, it often feels less appealing than the idea of moving forward. To “move on” suggests that we have forgotten the incident, the grief, or the person we lost. It implies that the loss no longer holds the significance it once did, which is rarely true. Moving on carries a sense of triviality, as if life could simply revert to “normal.” Yet, after experiencing loss, that’s not how it works.
At 29, I faced the most significant loss of my life. My husband and I were overjoyed to be expecting our first child. However, we were unaware that sometimes joy does not unfold as planned. Complications during pregnancy can lead to devastating outcomes, leaving one with a profound sense of dread and sorrow.
When our daughter, Lily, was born at 20 weeks, she lived for just an hour and a half. We cherished every fleeting moment with her — from her delicate features to her gentle breaths. The instant she arrived, our pregnancy ended, but we didn’t just move on; we moved forward — with Lily, in that hospital room, as a family of three.
In the wake of her passing, we faced heavy decisions: burial or cremation, obituary wording, and selecting an urn for Lily. Even as we battled tears and overwhelming grief, we carried her memory with us, embracing the love we held for her and supporting each other through the darkest days.
Life continued around us — work piled up, chores went unattended, and our beloved pug begged for attention. The weight of our sadness often overshadowed moments of joy. Memories of a time before such profound grief seemed lost, like small boats adrift in the tumultuous sea of our emotions. Yet, amidst this turmoil, we fought to rediscover meaning in our lives, balancing our sorrow with a flicker of hope.
Lily’s urn rests on our dresser, lovingly housed in a velvet box. Next to it, a memory book created by my sister contains the only tangible evidence of our lost pregnancy. A silver ring on my finger holds the birthstones of all our children: Lily, two who didn’t make it past the first trimester, and our radiant rainbow baby, Mia. Each night, my husband gently places his dog tags, which bear Lily’s and Mia’s tiny footprints, on the nightstand beside him.
Our toddler, ever-curious, often notices the jewelry. As she reaches for the shiny stones, we share stories about her big sister, explaining how Lily watches over her like a guardian angel.
Life moves on, and we choose to move alongside it. We still go to work, prepare meals, tackle household tasks, celebrate holidays, and take trips to visit family. Through it all, we carry our grief and memories of Lily with us. Although the burden of sorrow has transformed from a massive suitcase to a manageable carry-on, it remains a constant companion.
Most days, thoughts of Lily fill my heart with warmth. However, certain triggers still evoke intense emotions. Words resonate deeply, igniting feelings I never anticipated before my loss. Moving forward means integrating both our evolving lives and Lily’s memory into a cohesive existence. It allows for happiness and heartbreak to coexist. Moving forward means we embrace the full spectrum of human emotion.
For further insights on navigating loss and the journey of parenthood, you can explore additional resources on home insemination and fertility, such as this guide on couples’ fertility journeys here. If you’re seeking to enhance your fertility journey, check out these boost fertility supplements. Also, for an excellent resource on what to expect during your first IUI, visit this link.
In summary, moving on from a loss may seem like the ultimate goal, but moving forward allows us to honor our grief while still engaging with life. It fosters a space where both joy and sadness can coexist, enriching our emotional landscape.
Keyphrase: Moving on vs. moving forward after loss
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”