It’s 10:30 p.m., and my daughter strolls to the bathroom. Just then, my son pipes up from his room, “Mom? What time are we going to the park tomorrow?” It’s hard to believe they went to bed two hours earlier, as neither child has managed to drift off to sleep yet. And at this rate, they probably won’t for another half hour to an hour.
Our two youngest, aged 13 and 8, are true night owls. They tend to stay awake as late as my husband and I do, often hitting the hay around 10:30 or 11:00 p.m. While they typically settle down between 8:30 and 9:00, their minds and bodies just aren’t ready for sleep at that hour.
Over the years, we’ve explored numerous strategies to encourage earlier bedtimes. Our bedtime routine is consistent and well-established, so that isn’t the issue. We ensure they have plenty of outdoor play and active time during the day. We limit screen time and enforce a “no screens after dinner” rule to help their circadian rhythms. We’ve experimented with both earlier and later bedtimes, even waking them up early. We’ve tried calming sleep meditations, soothing music, audiobooks, and just quiet time. Their room is kept dark, but nothing seems to work.
The only reliable solution we’ve found is a small dose of melatonin (1 mg), which we don’t feel great about using long-term due to unclear effects on their hormonal development. With our pediatrician’s approval, we use it occasionally when we know they need to get up early. Otherwise, we allow them to follow their natural rhythms.
Fortunately, homeschooling gives us the flexibility to accommodate their sleep patterns. Rarely do the kids need an early rise, so they still get enough sleep, just following a different schedule—11 p.m. to 8:30 or 9 a.m. instead of the traditional 9 p.m. to 6:30 or 7 a.m. If they were in school, I’m not certain how we would manage.
We didn’t anticipate this outcome. Our first child was an early bird, and while the younger two started as early sleepers, their inclination to stay awake has grown with time. Our pediatrician reassured us that some children naturally have a later sleep cycle. I can’t help but think it’s my husband’s influence—he recalls long nights spent awake as a child. Although he has adjusted to a more balanced sleep schedule over the past 19 years, he was definitely a night owl in his youth, while I’ve always been an early riser.
It’s not my ideal situation to have the kids sleeping so late; I cherish my evening downtime once they are asleep. But since our oldest is now a teen with a similar later schedule, I’ve adapted by using mornings for my alone time. After resisting their natural sleep patterns for far too long, we decided to embrace them instead. They still get into bed at a reasonable hour, but we no longer stress about how long it takes them to fall asleep—eventually, they do.
Our pediatrician reassured us that as long as they are going to sleep at roughly the same time each night and getting a full night’s rest, their altered schedule isn’t inherently problematic. I’ve witnessed how our oldest’s sleep habits have evolved as she matured, so I’ve let go of my concerns. We’ve adopted the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mindset regarding our kids’ sleep routines.
After enduring years of sleep deprivation when they were babies and toddlers, I’m just pleased that everyone sleeps soundly through the night. Their nights might begin later, but if they’re happy and healthy, what’s the worry?
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In summary, navigating our children’s natural sleep patterns has been a journey. While we once fought against their tendencies to stay up late, we’ve learned to accept and adapt. This acceptance allows us to maintain a healthy family dynamic, prioritizing their well-being while also ensuring we get our much-needed downtime.
Keyphrase: Night owls in children
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