Many of us parents carry a hidden struggle. We often joke about it, brushing it off with lighthearted comments or silly social media posts. But when the door is locked and the world fades away, we find ourselves in our private sanctuary. Perhaps it’s the bathroom, where we sit quietly, phone in hand or simply lost in thought, staring at the wall.
The sound of water drips echoes in the silence—drop, drop, drop. Each droplet feels like a reminder that our own tears are flowing, hitting the porcelain below. If we’re fortunate, we have a moment of solitude without little hands reaching under the door, without the chaos of the living room breaking through our moment of peace.
Even in this vulnerable state, we feel the weight of our secret: we’re overwhelmed, fatigued, and at times completely shattered. When we venture out, whether to a grocery store or a big-box retailer, we often enter a daze. Other parents recognize this familiar look, and we exchange knowing smiles. “No kids today, huh?” they say, laughing. Our partners may not fully grasp our stress, thinking that a solo shopping trip is a treat. But the reality is, we’ve become so drained that a busy store feels like a refuge.
We might joke about needing wine o’clock, and our friends nod along in agreement, but it’s crucial that we start reaching out. I know that sounds like just another task to add to our list, but bear with me.
I wish I could simplify this and guide you to research about mental health in communities without the modern pressures we face. I’d love to give you a vision of a perfect world—one where help is abundant and parenting is easy. Unfortunately, there are countless blogs echoing similar sentiments: “We need a support system.” “We need a village.” “In the past, other mothers would care for your baby so you could rest.”
Oh, how I long for all of that to be a reality for everyone. I often find myself daydreaming about it while staring at my bathroom wall, wishing for a glass of wine.
Building Your Support System
We all have some form of community, whether online or in person.
Seeking Professional Help
I’m not just talking about therapy. Consider hiring help—maybe a housekeeper, a doula, or a babysitter. Even if it’s just $40 to have your laundry done once every two weeks, it can make a difference.
Prioritizing Sleep
I know, I know! If you’re familiar with me, you’re probably chuckling. Sleep is a rare commodity for many of us. I’m often awake late into the night, savoring quiet time after the kids are asleep. This often leads to my 4 a.m. wake-up call and the cycle of exhaustion continues, fueled by coffee.
Incorporating Mantras
Even if you’re not into the whole new-age vibe, mantras only require a minute of your day. Write them down, decorate them while you’re up late, and post them on your mirror or bathroom wall. Try it for two weeks. You might be surprised by the results!
Embracing Truth
This is perhaps the most crucial point. If we continue to only joke about our struggles, we’re not doing ourselves or each other any favors. We see others’ seemingly perfect lives—impeccable homes, gorgeous meals, and happy families on social media. Meanwhile, you might be wrestling with a chaotic home, tripping over toys, and dreaming of escaping to a quiet city loft for a year of artistic freedom.
It’s completely okay to admit that parenting can be overwhelming, that some days we don’t feel like parents at all, and yes, there are moments we dream of running away. Normalizing these feelings can help us support one another and ultimately become better parents for our children.
In the past, we had community support; we had people to lean on. Now, we often find ourselves hiding behind closed doors, seeking solace in wine or pills, and pretending everything is fine. The fact that our biggest thrill is a solo grocery run? That’s not how it should be.
So let’s change the narrative. Share your struggles, ask for assistance, offer help to others, treat yourself to a spa day, or simply enjoy some guilt-free time away from the kids. We must stop hiding because our well-being depends on it.