My son, who is an absolute treasure, is the sweetest, smartest, and most beautiful little bundle of joy I’ve ever known. For the past 22 months, he has been my world (though I share this joy with my husband, who can claim half of our little miracle). Motherhood has been everything I dreamed it would be but also nothing like the fears I used to harbor. I feel immensely happy.
However, this delightful little being is also the source of more stress and anxiety than I have ever experienced. The pressures of graduate exams, recovering from an eating disorder, and juggling two jobs pale in comparison to the worry that fills my mind these days.
It’s not his fault, of course; he does nothing wrong. Yet, for the first time, I’m publicly admitting that we have concerns he may be on the autism spectrum. Processing this fear has been challenging.
I understand that a child cannot receive a formal diagnosis until they are at least 2 years old. Our developmental pediatrician has reassured us that our son is too young for an accurate evaluation. Therefore, we find ourselves waiting for our next appointment, which will occur shortly after his second birthday, to assess and possibly clarify his developmental challenges.
Until then, we are essentially in limbo, awaiting an autism diagnosis.
Please don’t mistake this for an overreaction or a case of projecting my anxieties onto my child. This wait—about two months—stems from 22 months of close observation and interaction with our son. We didn’t arrive at the developmental pediatrician’s office by accident, nor were my countless hours of researching online done without purpose.
Our son isn’t speaking yet. He doesn’t point or wave. He reached every developmental milestone late, not walking until he was 17 months old. He is fixated on repetitive actions, like flicking light switches on and off and opening and closing cupboard doors endlessly. He struggles with eye contact and prefers solitary play, only engaging me when he wants to read the same book over and over again.
These behaviors don’t definitively indicate he is on the spectrum; he could just be a bit quirky, like both his mom and dad. Yet, when combined, they raise alarms for me. These symptoms led us to consult with our developmental pediatrician and confront the topic that took me months to find the courage to consider.
So here we are, waiting for what lies ahead, whatever that may be.
In the meantime, I feel the urge to reach out—for support, information, and camaraderie—but I also want to connect with others who are also waiting for an autism diagnosis, to remind them that they are not alone. It can be isolating to stand on the edge of special needs, longing for a glimpse of what the future holds. I often find myself comparing my son to other toddlers his age, hesitating to answer questions about his speech and development, while crafting a perfect image of him on social media, all while anxiously biting my nails.
No matter how hard I try, my mind races with endless what-ifs. Will he need special preschool? Will he be able to attend mainstream classes? What about college? What will his adult life look like? It’s enough to drive anyone crazy. The only way I know to alleviate this torment is to write—writing helps me organize my thoughts, share our story, and shed light on our journey for anyone seeking hope in the darkness of worrying about their child.
No discussion of this topic would be complete without acknowledging the love and the bright spots in our situation. My son appears to be exceptionally bright, and I love him unconditionally—there’s no way I could stop loving him if I tried.
He is a problem-solver, figuring out new toys and situations quickly. He laughs and cries appropriately and has started giving me kisses. He has even learned to seek our attention and ask for things without needing to speak. Plus, he has stopped being rough with the cat when trying to pet her. His redeeming qualities reassure me that my little boy is developing a personality, an ethos, and a sense of belonging in our family.
As for love, we have it in abundance. If this wait leads to the diagnosis I suspect, nothing will change in terms of my devotion. We will continue to provide our son with every resource he needs to thrive and lead a fulfilling life. We will advocate for him, challenge him, and remind him daily that we are proud of him.
He is perfect just as he is—diagnosis or not. While the wait is agonizing, it does not have to determine our future.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, waiting for an autism diagnosis, don’t lose hope. Your family will navigate this challenge, just as all parents do. Focus on love, and everything else will eventually fall into place. That’s my plan as we wait.
For further insights on family journeys, you can check out Couples’ Fertility Journey for more information. Also, Cryobaby is an authority on this topic. And for more resources on pregnancy, visit the CDC.
In summary, waiting for an autism diagnosis can be a daunting experience filled with uncertainty. Yet, love and support can guide families through this journey, reminding them that their children are perfect just as they are.
Keyphrase: autism diagnosis journey
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