Let’s face it: if our child is hurt and in tears, most of us instinctively rush to provide comfort. And when they express emotional distress through crying—especially in a sincere manner—many of us are quick to offer a soothing presence. However, the waters become murky when we encounter various scenarios that challenge our instincts as parents.
What if your child appears to be “fake-crying” over a trivial matter? What if they are crying out of rage, directing hurtful words at those around them? Or perhaps they’re making a scene in a public space? What if their tears stem from not getting their way? And what if they’ve cried for the umpteenth time today, testing your patience?
Certainly, if a child’s behavior is disruptive or poses a threat to others, it needs to be addressed. However, outside of these specific situations, I’m convinced that comforting my child whenever they cry is crucial—regardless of their age or the reason behind the tears.
I can already hear some of you gasping. You might think I’m on a path to raising a couple of self-entitled kids who will rule the world with their tantrums. But that couldn’t be further from my goal. My aim is to nurture my kids’ emotional and psychological growth.
Children are small beings grappling with enormous feelings—feelings that they often lack the ability to manage. Fun fact: the parts of a child’s brain responsible for emotion regulation don’t mature until their early 20s! So when they cry, it’s often their only outlet for those overwhelming emotions.
To ignore, shame, or silence a crying child is to send the message that their feelings are insignificant, something to suppress or hide. Every child’s emotions, no matter how challenging or loud, deserve to be acknowledged. They should feel supported by the people closest to them—namely, their parents or guardians.
And this isn’t limited to infants and toddlers. Even older children can struggle to process their emotions. When those feelings come to the surface as tears—whether they’re loud, furious, or whiny—it’s vital for me to provide comfort and help them navigate their feelings without judgment.
I don’t see it as my role to analyze the validity of their sadness or frustration. Instead, my job is to listen, accept, and guide them in sorting out their emotions so they can find a way to feel better. This doesn’t mean I condone inappropriate behavior. Crying, in itself, is not misbehavior; it’s a natural expression of emotion that deserves respect.
Take, for instance, a morning when my 5-year-old, Lucas, wants a cookie before breakfast (good luck with that!). If I say no, and he bursts into tears, I will comfort him. I’ll validate his feelings by asking, “Are you feeling disappointed because I didn’t give you a cookie?” He will likely confirm through tears, passionately insisting he needs that cookie. During our moment together, I will allow him to express his feelings without punitive measures. He can cry in my lap while sharing his cookie desires. I want him to know it’s perfectly okay to feel this way (because let’s be honest, cookies are fantastic).
However, this doesn’t mean I’ll give in to his demands. Comforting him through his disappointment doesn’t equate to spoiling him; it’s about being present and understanding. When children cry, it’s often a release, helping them to process their emotions and move on.
I want my kids to grow up knowing they can share their feelings with me. If I dismiss Lucas’s disappointment over a cookie, how can I expect him to confide in me about more significant issues later on? While the cookie incident might seem trivial, it’s profoundly significant to a child.
By teaching my kids that they can express their emotions without fear of judgment, I am fostering trust and communication between us. Of course, each parent will establish their own balance when it comes to comforting a child, as every household is unique.
If you feel inclined to comfort your child when they cry, trust your instincts. You are not raising a “soft” or “spoiled” child; instead, you’re nurturing a kid who knows their feelings are valid and that they have someone to turn to for support.
Ultimately, I aspire to be a safe haven for my children as they navigate their emotional landscapes. And as they grow, I hope they continue to feel comfortable sharing their feelings with me, knowing they’ll always find love and understanding.
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In summary, comforting your child when they cry is an essential part of their emotional development. It fosters trust and shows them that their feelings are valid, preparing them for more complex emotions as they grow.
Keyphrase: Comforting Crying Child
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