We’ve come to call it her “sassy stare.” That moment when my 7-year-old daughter, Lily, cocks her head, locks eyes with me, and purses her lips into a straight line. Next comes the predictable act of doing exactly what I just told her not to do.
For instance, I warn her against drinking more water before bed, and she promptly gives me the sassy stare before guzzling down more water. Just the other day, during my son’s basketball game, I told Lily not to wander onto the other court with her friend. What did she do? You guessed it—she turned around, shot me the sassy stare, and walked right over there.
Every time I see that sassy stare, I can’t help but respond, “Cut it out! Who do you think you are?” Yet, she continues on her merry way, unfazed.
Like all kids, Lily is a complex little being. Without a doubt, she’s the most determined of my three children, always seeking to get her way and testing boundaries along the way. Before I became a parent, I used to listen to my brother lamenting about his daughter’s defiance—how she never listened, was always backtalking, and thought she was in charge. I would reassure him that this was just the sign of a strong-willed girl on her way to becoming a leader.
“You’re just making her sound like a brat,” I’d say. “She’s bound to be a CEO or a senator someday. How cool is that?” My brother would give me a look that clearly said I was clueless.
Well, as it turns out, I might have known more than I realized. A 2015 study from the American Psychological Association found that stubborn children who challenge authority are more likely to excel academically and earn a high income as adults.
I know, it’s a tough realization to grapple with. The study examined children aged 8 to 12, assessing traits like academic diligence, entitlement, and, most importantly, defiance. Fast forward forty years, and researchers checked back in on these now-adult participants to see how they had fared. Surprisingly, their rebelliousness and rule-breaking tendencies were among the best indicators of financial success.
What does this mean for me, the father of a wonderfully headstrong daughter? Perhaps there’s a glimmer of hope (I’m trying to stay positive). Like any parent, I want my girl to grow up into a successful, independent woman. Based on this research, she’s well on her way.
Now, it’s worth noting that the study doesn’t clarify why being stubborn correlates with later success. An article in Time by Donna Gorman suggests that these children might be more competitive in school, leading to better grades. They might also be assertive adults who negotiate higher salaries and advocate for their financial interests, even if it annoys those around them.
While these traits are admirable in adults, they can be quite exasperating in children. So the next time you see a child throwing a tantrum in a store, instead of thinking, “That kid needs a lesson in respect,” perhaps consider that they might just be the boss of their future.
I’ll admit, I find some comfort in this study. There are nights when I lie awake, pondering who my little girl will become and if she’ll ever outgrow her sassy stare. Will she stop talking back, stomping her feet, or slamming doors? On the bright side, I should be focusing more on the doors she’ll stubbornly push open in the future.
In a world where gender inequality persists, with pay gaps and a visible glass ceiling, I can’t help but think that my spirited, strong-willed daughter might be the one to break these barriers.
Reflecting on it this way makes the parenting journey feel a bit easier. After all, raising children is a gamble. Like many parents, I worry I’m making mistakes that could lead to my child ending up on the wrong path. But studies like this give me hope, reminding me that while she may be a challenge to raise now, it could be part of a larger plan that paves the way for her successful future.
So to all of you parenting spirited, headstrong children—those who stomp their feet, test the limits, and give you that sassy stare—don’t lose heart. If this study is to be believed, this phase is merely temporary. One day, that determined child will make you prouder than you can imagine, and all the trying moments will be worth it.
Summary:
The article highlights that strong-willed and stubborn children, such as the author’s daughter, may possess traits that lead to greater success in adulthood. A study from the American Psychological Association found a correlation between childhood defiance and later academic and financial achievement. While parenting such children can be challenging, the potential for them to become leaders and shatter glass ceilings offers hope for the future.
Keyphrase: “stubborn child success”
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