Today, I didn’t manage to tick off everything on my to-do list. You might think that’s not a big deal, right? I’m a busy mom juggling a tidy home, well-mannered kids, and a flourishing at-home business. So what if one tiny task didn’t get done?
In reality, it’s not a catastrophe. Just a small item I can easily handle tomorrow. But because it’s recorded in my trusty to-do app, it feels as if it’s etched in stone. And when a ‘law’ is broken, it stirs up some serious anxiety in me.
I get uneasy and restless. I lie awake, fretting over that insignificant task, as if it’s a sign that I’m spiraling out of control. “Hey, Jenna,” my brain whispers, “you don’t actually have it all together. This is the beginning of your downfall. Your career is doomed. Soon, your family will be on the streets. No one will want to be around you. It’s all going to fall apart, and it’s your fault.”
No, I’m not entirely losing it (although I could convince myself otherwise). I just deal with an anxiety disorder, and it often gets the best of me, usually in some form every single day.
Here’s the kicker: I mask it quite well.
I’m that mom people look at and think, “Wow, how does she do it all?” I’m known for my kindness, the go-to friend for advice. I seem calm and collected, with a voice that others find soothing. “Nervous” is not an adjective you’d associate with me.
I defy the typical image of someone with anxiety—I’m not fidgeting or trembling.
It all resides in my mind. I keep it bottled up. My thoughts have a knack for sending me into a tailspin. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I’ve weathered bouts of panic attacks, some lasting daily, and have sought therapy on and off since my teenage years.
At the moment, I’m in a relatively good space. Panic attacks are infrequent, and the worst of my anxiety has subsided. Yet, those anxious thoughts still linger. I often find myself operating from a “worst-case scenario” mindset—convinced that if I don’t achieve perfection in my life, something catastrophic will happen.
That voice in my head frequently conjures up images of my children meeting with accidental tragedies or fears that my husband might not return my text because he despises me or, worse, has met with an untimely end. I feel compelled to respond to every work-related message immediately, fearing that any delay could lead to losing my job.
It’s this relentless inner dialogue that urges me to maintain the façade of the perfect mother, ideal employee, and the world’s best friend.
Perhaps this is part of why I share my struggles with anxiety so openly—to shatter the illusion that anxious individuals fit a particular mold. I want to reassure anyone who buries their feelings, who opts to endure silently, that they are not alone.
I get it. I truly understand the weight of keeping anxiety hidden, the desire not to burden others, the loneliness of suffering in silence, and the pressure to present a perfect image to the world because your anxious mind tells you that vulnerability leads to more hurt.
But let me share this: it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to follow my example and broadcast your anxiety to the world. However, if you’re battling those anxious demons every day, please seek help. Tools like therapy and medication may not erase your anxiety entirely, but they can prevent those overwhelming thoughts from consuming you, stealing your joy, rest, and peace of mind.
Every aspect of who you are is beautiful—even the raw, vulnerable parts you seldom show others. You are stronger than your anxiety. I believe that, and deep down, I know you believe it too. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
For more on navigating the journey of parenthood, check out this insightful blog post about at-home insemination kits. If you’re exploring options for starting a family, the authority on this topic can be found in this intracervical insemination syringe kit. And for a deeper understanding of the process of conception, Wikipedia offers an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, anxiety can often hide beneath a seemingly normal exterior, and it’s important to acknowledge and address it rather than suffer in silence. Seeking support can lead to a healthier mental state, allowing you to embrace all facets of your beautiful self.
Keyphrase: anxiety in motherhood
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