As a parent of two wonderful kids with disabilities, I’ve encountered my share of well-meaning but ultimately misguided comments over the past nine years. While some remarks can be easily disregarded, others require a thoughtful response—or a deep breath to maintain my composure. It’s often strangers who make these comments, and I appreciate the chance to educate them about disabilities. However, my 11-year-old daughter, Lily, who has cerebral palsy, is beginning to assert her preferences on how we respond.
For instance, when someone asks, “What’s wrong with her?” Lily prefers if I pivot the question back to them. I now respond with concern, asking her if she’s okay, and then turn to the inquirer and say, “What’s wrong? What do you mean?” This usually leads to an awkward moment for them, where they reconsider the phrasing of their question.
The most painful comments often come from those closest to us, making them feel like personal critiques. Statements like, “You let him spend too much time on the tablet. That’s probably causing issues,” are particularly hurtful. Even if they mean well, repeated exposure to such comments can be disheartening.
To connect with other parents in similar situations, we asked them what remarks they find most difficult to hear. Here are some of the prevailing sentiments:
- “God gives special children to special parents.”
We are just regular people doing our best. Caring for a child is a universal parental duty, not a badge of distinction. - “But she seems normal!”
Many disabilities aren’t visible, and this comment undermines the expertise of medical professionals. - “That child just needs more discipline!”
This implies that poor parenting is at fault, disregarding the extensive efforts parents put into therapy and interventions. - “I’m sorry.”
While often well-intentioned, this conveys pity and suggests that our children are somehow less valuable. - “He’s on too many medications.”
If a child is on medication, it’s usually because they genuinely need it. Parents shouldn’t have to defend their decisions regarding medical care. - “She’ll grow out of it.”
Disabilities are often lifelong conditions, not something kids simply outgrow. - “I could never do it.”
This insinuates that our kids are unlovable, which couldn’t be further from the truth. - “Have you considered a group home?”
This reflects outdated beliefs about disability and suggests a lack of support for families. - “Have you tried giving _______?”
Parents are usually already aware of various remedies and have likely explored them extensively. - “Didn’t you know before birth?”
This personal question implies a lack of love or acceptance for our children, which is deeply offensive. - “It could be worse; at least she can walk.”
This downplays our struggles, as every challenge is valid, regardless of the scale. - “He’ll eat when he’s hungry.”
This may not apply to all children, especially those with sensory issues. - “My kid does it too.”
This trivializes our experiences and fears as parents. - “God only gives us what we can handle.”
This common phrase is often taken out of context and doesn’t reflect the reality of hardship. - “Stop using the ‘autism’ card for sympathy.”
Our children’s disabilities aren’t a card to be played; they are part of their lives that require understanding and compassion.
In summary, while I appreciate the curiosity of others, there are phrases that can be damaging to both parents and children with disabilities. It’s crucial for society to foster understanding and compassion rather than pity. To learn more about family inclusivity, check out other resources on the subject, such as this informative article on pregnancy and the at-home intracervical insemination syringe kit, which can provide valuable insight into family planning.
Keyphrase: comments parents of disabled children hate
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