A week before Mother’s Day, I woke up to find my eye swollen and gooey. I brushed it off—after all, moms are adept at pushing through discomfort. But when a small, tender bump appeared on my upper eyelid, I knew something was amiss. After some self-examination and a quick Google search, I realized I had developed a chalazion, which occurs when the glands in the eyelid become blocked. The growing bump resembled an inflamed blemish, just begging to be popped. However, both the internet and my doctor advised against that. The ophthalmologist instructed me to apply warm compresses five times a day, wash my eyelids with baby shampoo, and, much to my chagrin, to avoid makeup entirely.
While I’m aware there are far more pressing issues in the world, the thought of going without makeup, especially with a glaring red bump on my eyelid, heightened my anxiety. I usually have a carefree attitude about many things, yet the idea of facing the world without my usual concealer and mascara was daunting. However, I recognized that my health had to take precedence, even if it meant following the doctor’s orders against my vanity.
I don’t wear heavy makeup, but giving up my concealer, mascara, and occasional eyeliner felt like a big deal. Why bother adding blush when my eye was clearly the main event? I simplified my routine to moisturizer and sunscreen, donned my sunglasses both indoors and outdoors like a celebrity, and tried to conceal myself with my long side bangs.
Ultimately, I couldn’t maintain that facade for long. I wish I could say I was unfazed by my friends’ surprised expressions or my children’s mix of curiosity and disgust at my swollen eye. I wish I could claim my eyelid bump didn’t bother me, especially since I’m in my 40s and should be beyond such concerns. But the truth is, going makeup-free made me anxious. Without my usual cover-up, everything was on full display—the unsightly bump, the dark circles, the uneven skin tone. I couldn’t hide my fatigue or anxiety, and it felt like the world was seeing me in my most vulnerable state.
Makeup can be a source of empowerment, giving us confidence and making us feel beautiful. It allows us to transition from busy moms to glamorous women, or simply to lift our spirits when we need a boost. However, for me, it had morphed into a mask, a way to hide my true feelings. By covering my under-eye circles and adding blush, I could ignore my exhaustion. If I applied mascara, perhaps no one would notice my worn-out lips. I had been using makeup as a shield, but that pesky chalazion forced me to confront the reality beneath the surface.
Over the next several weeks, I dedicated hours to applying warm compresses while binge-listening to podcasts. I also spent time examining my bare face in the mirror. After some time, I began to accept my natural appearance—freckles on my forehead, smile lines etched into my cheek. I noticed how my skin responded positively when I got adequate rest or remembered to take my vitamins.
In the mornings, I looked in the mirror and thought, “What you see is what you get.” Some days, I saw a refreshed, rosy-cheeked version of myself. Other days, I recognized a woman who needed a break and perhaps a few healthy smoothies (or mimosas, depending on the day). I learned to take it slow, honoring my feelings of sadness, stress, or fatigue, and paying attention to my needs became a regular practice.
After nearly two months, the chalazion remained stubbornly present. Finally, the ophthalmologist drained it, leaving behind a small scar. While I was cleared to wear makeup again, I found that I was okay without it. I no longer mind presenting myself just as I am, regardless of how I look. I’m not saying I’ll never wear makeup again—it’s too much fun to give up entirely—but for now, I’m reveling in the freedom of my bare face. It feels empowering, and for once, I’m at ease in my own skin.
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Summary
My unexpected journey into self-acceptance began with an eyelid chalazion that forced me to go makeup-free. Initially filled with anxiety, I learned to embrace my natural appearance and recognize the limitations that makeup had put on my self-awareness. This experience allowed me to pay attention to my needs, ultimately leading to a newfound comfort in my own skin.
Keyphrase: self-acceptance through makeup-free experience
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