Finding solace in the company of fellow moms navigating the world of autism can be incredibly comforting.
I was at the beach with my son, Jake, who was swinging between moments of remarkable composure and bouts of frustration. In an impressive display of self-control, he approached a boy around his age, along with the boy’s extended family. “Can you please stop making those loud noises? They really bother me,” I overheard him say from a distance.
Jake, who is on the autism spectrum, proudly returned to share his experience. He also mentioned that the other kid had hit his float after his request. I knew Jake was telling the truth and felt disappointed that nobody intervened when the boy acted out. I was particularly irked when I heard the grandmother exclaim, “What was that all about?”
What could possibly be confusing about a child asking another to stop making a noise that frightened him? I decided to wait until Jake was out of earshot to address the family. As I approached, I noticed the tension in the air; they clearly sensed I was about to speak up. I usually dread these kinds of interactions, especially in front of Jake, as I never want him to think of his autism as a crutch. He wouldn’t grasp the difference between an excuse and an explanation. However, I felt it was crucial to explain autism to help foster understanding and acceptance.
Just two days prior, I had a conversation with another autism mom who rarely ventured out with her son due to the cruel stares and comments they faced. I encouraged her to join a group of moms and kids at the playground to raise awareness about autism. As I approached the beach family, I was surprisingly calm.
“My son has autism, and certain noises can be overwhelming for him,” I started. However, they cut me off immediately. “He has autism too,” someone said. “He’s mostly nonverbal and enjoys making those sounds.”
I looked down at the boy sitting in a beach chair, his face shaded by a large sunhat. I learned his name was Max. His mother and I exchanged high-fives, a small gesture of camaraderie shared between two parents who understood the challenges of raising a child who defies typical expectations. In that busy beach environment, we connected in a way that other parents around us could not.
We exchanged details about our children as casually as if we were discussing sports stats—talking about verbal and nonverbal abilities and sensory sensitivities instead of batting averages. She noted that she could tell something was off when Jake approached them, even if the grandmother seemed oblivious.
I shared how significant it was that Jake didn’t react aggressively and instead chose to advocate for himself. But as most autism moms know, time is often limited when kids are around. Our conversation was brief; soon, Jake needed my assistance.
Before parting ways, I explained to Jake that Max also has autism and that his sounds were likely a source of joy for him or a way to cope with feelings. I think Jake appreciated meeting someone else with autism, as he kept exclaiming, “Autism is awesome!” and “I love autism and special needs!”
I didn’t anticipate how the encounter would unfold. I was ready to confront an ignorant family but instead found a fellow mom who shared my experiences. Jake may express his love for autism, but I adore the visibility it brings, making it easier to connect with others in a world that can often be unkind.
To Max’s mom, it was a pleasure to meet you! I’m grateful you were there to witness Jake’s moment of self-advocacy. I hope future conversations about Max’s noises are just as understanding as ours was today.
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In Summary
Connecting with other autism moms can be a source of strength and understanding. Through shared experiences, we can find comfort in knowing we are not alone in our journeys.
Keyphrase: Comfort in Autism Community
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