I caught a glimpse of it in his eyes—just a fleeting moment, but it hit me hard.
Today was “Creatures Day” at Mia’s camp. Although Mia isn’t particularly fond of creatures, her imaginative spirit led her to create an incredible “Space Cat” costume. (Her fascination with cats has been evident since she could babble and has only grown stronger over the years.)
We arrived in a rush, running later than I would have preferred, thanks to Mia’s refusal to put her book down during breakfast. It took some gentle nudging and a bit of frustration to get her dressed and ready. After all, her two loves are cats and stories.
The atmosphere was bright, noisy, and packed with kids. On top of that, Mia’s group wasn’t in their usual spot.
Panic began to set in. I know Mia like the back of my hand, and long before her autism spectrum disorder diagnosis earlier this year, I was aware of how challenging situations like these could be for her.
Mia struggles with bright sunlight, even with her sunglasses. She often feels overwhelmed in large crowds. Loud noises can make her anxious, and she craves routine—so switching her group’s location was not in the plan.
No tantrum erupted, which was a relief. She’s been working hard in therapy to manage her emotions when things don’t unfold as expected. But I could see the worry in her eyes. She began to fold in on herself, making her small.
“Everything will be okay,” I reassured her. “Let’s find your group.” But my heart ached as I scanned the crowd for familiar faces. “Do you see anyone you recognize?” I asked. Unfortunately, she was staring at the ground, on the brink of tears.
“No, Mommy! They’re not where they should be!”
That’s when a young man approached. He appeared confused but kind. “Hi! I’m Mia’s counselor. We’re meeting on the basketball court today.”
Mia shuffled past him, not looking back at me, oblivious to my attempt to plant a kiss on her head. Dressed in her quirky Space Cat outfit, she trudged toward the court as if she were headed for an execution.
And there it was—how he looked at her, as if she were different. I recognized that glance all too well.
Having taught in public schools for nearly 15 years, I’ve worked with children across the spectrum, including those with various learning challenges and emotional needs. I pride myself on making accommodations to ensure every child feels loved and supported.
But when Mia was born, I had to confront an uncomfortable truth: despite my dedication to all children, I often viewed those with neurodiversity as “different.” I hate admitting this, as it brings with it a sense of shame, but it’s the reality.
When I saw a child who struggled to maintain eye contact, I thought, “They have autism.” When another child covered their ears in response to a loud noise, I thought, “That’s an autistic response.” Even with a positive attitude and genuine care, I sometimes lost sight of their humanity, focusing solely on their diagnosis.
Mia has autism, yet I forget about it countless times a day. When we burst into laughter over something her little brother does, when she curls up in my lap despite being tall for her age, when she plays with the neighborhood kids, or when we sit together reading. She swam fearlessly in the ocean waves during our vacation, worried about endangered kiwi birds, painted beautiful pictures, wrote amazing poems, and cracked jokes that left us all laughing.
That counselor didn’t see any of that in Mia; he saw only a child who seemed out of place and anxious. But I wish he could look beyond the surface, because beneath that quirky exterior is a remarkable girl with a heart and a mind that process the world differently. Her autism diagnosis doesn’t define her; it merely guides us in understanding how to communicate and appreciate her unique perspective.
Perhaps one day, that counselor will see it too. The view from that understanding is truly beautiful.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Jamie Rivers shares her experience as a parent of a child with autism, emphasizing the importance of seeing beyond the diagnosis. She recounts a moment at Mia’s camp and highlights the challenges of navigating social situations. The author expresses a desire for others to recognize the individuality of children with autism, urging a shift in perspective from seeing them as different to appreciating their unique qualities and strengths.
Keyphrase: Autism and individuality in children
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