There’s a saying that goes, “Men come and go, but friends are forever.” Perhaps it’s wishful thinking, but I like to believe it holds some truth. Regardless, it feels like there should be a glaring warning on every marriage certificate: “If this union ends in divorce, expect one partner to keep the friends, while the other faces solitude and despair.”
During my marriage, I forged some of the most valuable friendships, many of which included my then-husband’s family and buddies, as well as couples we met along the way. I grew close to the partners of his friends, and we created lasting memories—annual vacations, girls’ trips, hospital visits for our kids’ births, and sharing the deepest parts of our lives over the years. Then, just like that—poof—they vanished.
I never anticipated that, amid my divorce, I would lose some of my closest friends. If there’s anything that can test a person’s mental strength, it’s this. I felt an overwhelming darkness, a weight pressing down on me like never before. While I willingly made the heart-wrenching choice to leave my marriage for the sake of happiness, losing my support network was not a part of the plan. I never saw this coming.
When those who weren’t involved in my marriage fail to understand my reasons for leaving, judgment often follows. In my case, it led to being cast aside. The pain of that rejection was sharp and unrelenting, knocking the breath from my lungs repeatedly. I never knew I could feel such agony, nor did I foresee that making what I believed was the best decision for my family would cost me so dearly. But it did. And it’s incredibly painful.
The week of the Fourth of July hit particularly hard. I had arranged with my ex-husband that he would take the kids in the afternoon, while I enjoyed the morning with them. When he called, asking to pick them up early to join their cousins and friends who had gathered, I quickly agreed. I wanted my kids to have fun.
What I didn’t prepare for was the emotional toll it would take on me. That day turned into a torturous experience as I scrolled through social media, witnessing my children, my ex, and his friends celebrating on the beach, barbecuing, and watching fireworks. I felt like a ghost, watching my past life unfold from a distance. No one reached out to include me, and I sank into a pit of despair. Self-doubt crept in: Maybe I deserved this loneliness for leaving, maybe I was unlovable, maybe no one cared about me as much as I thought. I ended up on my couch, drifting off to sleep as fireworks lit up the sky, feeling utterly abandoned.
Divorce is tough. Losing parts of your former life is tough. And losing friends? That’s a whole other level of anguish.
Yet, not everyone has vanished from my life. While I’m grieving, I’m also discovering who my true friends are—those ride-or-die individuals who show up when it matters. It’s a bittersweet realization that brings tears of gratitude, knowing that I have these people in my corner.
I can count on one hand the friends who have stood by me—not by choosing sides, but by providing unconditional support. Many people feel entitled to an explanation during a divorce, eager to take sides. However, unless you’ve lived through it, you can’t really grasp the emotional upheaval it brings, especially with kids involved.
Divorce makes you juggle your emotions, your partner’s feelings, your children’s experiences, and the expectations of everyone else. It’s an overwhelming burden, and no matter how resilient we believe ourselves to be, we need friends who will listen without judgment. I’m immensely grateful for the few who have done just that.
These friends don’t care if I’ve been out of touch for weeks; they still reach out daily with messages of love and support. They leave encouraging notes on my doorstep, bring over food and wine unannounced, and refuse to leave until I’ve stopped crying. They offer to take my kids for a bit so I can attend therapy. They don’t disappear or make my situation about them. They are rare gems, and I hope they know how much they mean to me during this challenging time.
There’s no denying that divorce is incredibly difficult. But when your true friends and family rally around you and help you piece your life back together over and over again, that’s where you find the silver lining. That’s the light amidst the darkness. Quality truly trumps quantity.
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In summary, divorce can lead to unexpected losses—not just of a partner but of friends and support systems as well. Yet, true friendships often shine through adversity, providing the strength needed to navigate life’s challenges.
Keyphrase: Divorce and friendships
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