“You give kids an inch, and they’ll take a mile.”
“Parents today are way too lenient; that’s why kids lack respect.”
“Just wait until they hit their teenage years — they’ll take over!”
I’ve encountered these sentiments countless times during my 17 years of parenting. They often pop up in discussions about parenting styles, especially when parents mention letting their kids make a sandwich if they’re not keen on dinner or helping their children remember homework left behind.
While I get the concerns some people have about permissive parenting — I share them too — I also believe that parenting doesn’t have to be about strict authoritarianism. There’s a balanced approach that lies between chaos and dictatorial control, and that’s where our family thrives.
Bedtime Flexibility
Take bedtime, for instance. I used to be a staunch advocate for a strict 7:30 PM bedtime. However, our two youngest, who are now 8 and 12, are natural night owls. We’ve significantly shifted our bedtime rules over the last couple of years. Our daughters enjoy reading, chatting, and storytelling well into the night, so as long as they’re getting enough sleep, we embrace it.
My partner and I actively seek our children’s opinions, valuing their thoughts in our decision-making process. We encourage them to explain their reasoning, even if sometimes their justification is simply “becaaauuse!” In those moments, we pause until they can articulate a more rational argument. When my daughter requests extra screen time because she’s writing a book, we agree. But when my son insists he should have the same amount of time simply because his sister does, we take the opportunity to explain the difference between creative work and gaming, along with the life lesson that fairness isn’t always guaranteed.
Empowering Voices
We want our kids to feel that their voices are important. While they might not always get their way, they know their feelings are acknowledged and respected. This practice helps them develop negotiation skills that will prove invaluable as they mature.
Being flexible with our children teaches them adaptability. If children grow up under rigid rules and strict authority, how can they learn to navigate the complexities of the real world? Contrary to what some may believe, life isn’t a straightforward, do-as-you’re-told environment. It’s dynamic and requires emotional and mental flexibility. The future will demand creativity and innovation, which can be stifled by excessive rigidity.
Maintaining Balance
Moreover, maintaining flexibility helps us avoid taking ourselves too seriously. There’s a time for discipline, but it doesn’t have to dominate our household. I have no desire to run my home like a military camp, and I’m certain my kids feel the same way.
It’s not that I’m avoiding upsetting my kids or struggling to say no. Trust me, we do say no, and they express their disappointment — often passionately. If they’re being unreasonable, I’m all for pausing the discussion until they can collect themselves. But I don’t automatically assume they’re wrong just because they’re upset. I give them the chance to calm down and articulate their thoughts.
Ultimately, my partner and I hold the final decision-making power, but that doesn’t mean we can’t listen to our kids and incorporate their insights. Often, they come up with brilliant solutions when included in the problem-solving process.
Positive Outcomes
So yes, we might give our kids an inch or two, sometimes even twelve. And you know what? Typically, they don’t overreach. Our children show respect because they’ve grown up in an environment of mutual respect. Now with one child nearing her teenage years and another approaching, neither shows any signs of running wild.
Our adaptable parenting approach has proven effective for everyone involved. This style strengthens our connection with our kids and equips them with essential life skills. Seeing the positive outcomes over the years, I wouldn’t change a thing.
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Summary
By fostering a democratic atmosphere at home, we empower our children to express their thoughts and develop crucial life skills while maintaining respect and flexibility in our parenting style.
Keyphrase: democratic parenting style
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