My husband is a remarkable person in so many ways. He’s a caring and involved dad, a loving and supportive partner, a dedicated professional, and a loyal friend. But there’s one thing that concerns me: he’s not spending enough time with his friends lately.
As women and mothers, we often celebrate the importance of friendships. We rave about girls’ nights out and cheer each other on when we manage to escape for a weekend with friends, leaving guilt behind. Like most parents, my life is a whirlwind of soccer practices, homework, and managing sibling conflicts over video games. There are days when I realize I haven’t spoken to anyone older than 10!
Yet, I still prioritize friendship. Even if our conversations happen mostly through lengthy text messages, I cherish those connections. Working from home allows me to carve out lunch or coffee breaks with friends, and I don’t hesitate to take a Saturday afternoon for a mani-pedi. While my social life may not be packed, I have solid friendships that more than compensate for the lack of quantity.
My husband, however, finds himself in a different situation. He’s sociable and well-liked, with many friends whom he misses deeply. His friends are scattered, with many of them living far away. Unfortunately, his work and family commitments leave little time for the friends who are closer by.
He’s not the only one facing this challenge. A fellow dad, Mark Jensen, recently shared his struggles in a local newspaper: “I have a wife and two little kids. We moved to the suburbs a few years back, and now, my life feels like a never-ending sitcom with Lego landmines everywhere.” Mark’s description mirrors our own life perfectly—two kids? Check. A not-so-charming house in the suburbs? Check. Crushed Goldfish crackers in the car? Double-check.
What binds parents together these days is this common thread: we’re all overwhelmed. Juggling work deadlines, kids’ activities, and the occasional bout of illness leaves little room for friendships. When life gets hectic, friendships are often the first to take a backseat.
It’s easy to understand why. Our children’s needs are immediate and demanding, and our jobs require our attention. Friends, on the other hand, can often go on the back burner. Yet, the truth is that we need our friends—not only for joy but for our health. Research shows that loneliness can lead to severe health risks, including heart disease and even a higher mortality rate. One study found that loneliness can be as harmful as smoking.
You might think, “I’m not old enough to worry about that; I’ll have more time for friends later.” But in reality, we’re older than we often acknowledge. Ignoring friendships now can have long-term consequences. This isn’t just a male issue; women also experience the mental and physical toll of loneliness. However, it can be particularly challenging for men during these years, as they often require shared activities to forge and maintain friendships.
Unfortunately, finding those shared moments is tough when everyone is busy chasing toddlers or working late. As Mark noted, those opportunities to connect tend to fall away. When you finally have a moment to breathe, it can feel selfish to head out with friends while your partner is left with the kids.
Recently, I shared Mark’s article with my husband during a long drive, and I found myself tearing up. I realized this is our life, and he deserves more. He’s a fantastic human being—selfless, funny, and devoted. I know he misses his friends just as I miss mine, but with work and family responsibilities taking precedence, his social life has dwindled.
“You should do something about this,” I suggested after finishing the article. “Why not set a regular hangout with your friends, or join a bowling league? You deserve that time!” He nodded but seemed to doubt it would happen, knowing how busy he and his friends are.
But here’s the thing: I actually encourage him to go out with his friends! He comes back happier, and I get to enjoy a cozy night in with a book or a rom-com. Plus, it’s essential for our kids to see their dad nurturing friendships, as it teaches them about self-care and the importance of connections. Sometimes I think he just needs a little nudge. Maybe it’s up to me to help him step out of the house every now and then.
After all, it benefits everyone involved—not only does it promote his well-being, but it also gives me a guilt-free chance to spend time with my friends.
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In summary, it’s crucial for both partners to maintain friendships for their well-being. Encouraging each other to spend time with friends can lead to happier relationships and healthier lives.
Keyphrase: Encouraging friendships
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