Aside from the emotional weight of my son’s genetic condition, the constant urge to compare him to other kids is a significant challenge I face. I’m not alone in this struggle—many parents find themselves measuring their children against peers, wondering if they’re hitting the same milestones. Are they walking, talking, or eating as much as the neighbor’s kid? Before I even had my son, a close friend shared how parents often feel the pressure to have the “best” kids: best-dressed, smartest, and so on.
When your child has special needs, this comparison feels magnified. The differences become stark, and developmental delays are evident to onlookers. For instance, when we’re out with my son, people often ask about his age. “18 months,” I’ll say, and the immediate follow-up is almost always, “Is he walking yet?”
My answer is “Not yet,” but the truth is, he’s not even crawling. I can sense the judgment in their eyes as they mentally compare him to other toddlers—like their own children who are already walking at a year old. It’s especially disheartening when the question comes from another parent. Most of the time, I choose not to explain our situation because it feels intrusive, yet a part of me aches to defend him and myself. Am I doing enough as a parent?
Daycare is another breeding ground for comparison. I see kids his age easily achieving milestones he hasn’t yet reached, and some children even younger than him are surpassing him in skills. As we approach the 18-month mark, where kids typically move up to the next classroom, I worry about my son’s readiness. The toddler room requires strong walkers to prevent accidents. Our plan is for him to remain in the baby class a bit longer, but each additional day seems to widen the gap.
What troubles me most isn’t just the difference in skills, but the uncertainty of whether he will ever master them. I can set aside my competitive nature, but the unknown is daunting.
Before you think about unfollowing me on social media or avoiding me at gatherings, I want to clarify: I genuinely love seeing your children and celebrating their achievements. Please continue to share!
I’m also working on minimizing my tendency to compare. As the saying goes, “If the grass is greener on the other side, water your own lawn.” My new mission is to celebrate the small victories in our journey. These moments, often overlooked, can bring immense joy. For example:
- Even though my son isn’t crawling, he’s finding his balance in my lap!
- While he may not walk beside me in the store, he now sits up all by himself in the shopping cart!
- Though he can’t feed himself yet, he’s exploring new flavors and has developed a passion for clementines!
You get the idea: every little achievement deserves recognition.
But it’s not just about the “firsts.” I’m also learning to appreciate who my son is as a person. His laughter is contagious, his smile lights up any room, and his love for family and friends is heartwarming. His determination to master a new toy rivals my own focus as a busy mom. His enjoyment of car rides and music assures me he’ll always bond with his dad.
My son is uniquely himself, and he stands proud without the need for comparison. The more we focus on celebrating who he is rather than what he can do, the more joy we find in our lives.
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In summary, comparing our children can often lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Instead of focusing on where they stand compared to others, let’s celebrate their individual journeys and the unique joys they bring into our lives.
Keyphrase: comparison in parenting special needs
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